APIBAGS Chapter 60

No matter how his insides stirred, showing a calm face had been something he was exceptionally skilled at since childhood.

The red flower—the one Evangeline Rohanson alone had cut from the stem and transplanted into a glass case—trembled, its leaves quivering.

Gabriel knew well that this flower could only breathe inside its owner's case.

"Did you see her?"

In place of a greeting, an unprompted question. The subject was absent. He understood immediately.

"You saw the young miss, didn't you."

Kanna was the only person in this estate who called Evangeline "young miss." If the Evangeline of the past had been everyone's young lady, Kanna's young miss was hers alone.

In the same way, those who could truly see them—the eyes, the things—within this estate were the two monsters and Kanna. Henna caught glimpses through the eyes Pudding lent her, occasionally. Daisy likewise. Every now and then, at the cat's whim, other employees would witness what Kanna saw.

Every time, the fear on their faces.

Daisy, too, had once.

Kanna had disliked Daisy from the very start—she had tried to drive a wedge between Henna and Kanna—and when she heard that Daisy had nearly fled in terror at the sight of a cluster of floating eyes, she had almost laughed. Of course, now she understood. Henna and Daisy were on good terms, and someone with a more fragile constitution really would struggle with something like that.

Did this steadfast-looking knight also have a fragile constitution? His face was unusually pale—the look of someone badly frightened.

"Sir Gabriel. To love the young lady, you must endure. You must love even this."

Kanna was glad to have found an unexpected comrade. She offered her advice freely. The cat in her arms batted at her arm as if to stop her—as if to say her efforts were wasted—but as a senior, she could give at least this much.

Pudding really did have a terrible personality.

Those things had been a byproduct of the cat marking its territory in the first place. Pudding liked the young lady. And had been testing Gabriel—who had begun taking an interest in her. Because if he couldn't accept even this side of her, he would never be able to handle Evangeline Rohanson.

Gabriel had earned Pudding's disappointment.

"If you endure, you can be loved. You're jealous of me. I know you are."

"Jealous? Me?"

Gabriel might deny it. But Kanna remembered that moment clearly.

The first day they visited the Grand Temple—the look he had sent her way, as she sat under Evangeline's wing. It had been the longing look of someone who lacked something. Evidence of envy.

In Kanna's eyes, Gabriel was a man gasping with thirst. He had passed a well—not enough for him. He had passed a river in full flow—and ignored it. But what would happen when he reached the ocean?

He would dive in and find drowning blissful. Even if the salt water made him cough and burned his eyes, he wouldn't care at all. He would probably think he'd sunk into sugar.

"You already know the young lady isn't an ordinary human, don't you? You heard it from Daisy."

The documents Daisy had prepared had been entrusted to Kanna. She knew every word of the contents. She had destroyed them so no one else would see them, and her heart dropped when the young lady later asked for the papers again.

"You could only see what you already knew was there. So why were you so frightened?"

Kanna asked it with genuine puzzlement. She couldn't understand Gabriel's lukewarm response.

Gabriel averted his eyes and swallowed his answer. The sight of that red-filled world had produced nausea more than fear.

What had frightened Gabriel was Evangeline.

She was not in the mirror.

The low temperature where her skin had touched his. The faint heartbeat, barely there. All of it had felt pointless—as if none of it amounted to anything.

As though Evangeline really were a corpse, after all.

His younger self, running with a dead child strapped to his back.

"You're right," he said. "I suppose I already knew, but couldn't accept it."

As the presiding priest and Daisy had said at the time of the funeral—Evangeline Rohanson truly was a dead person.

Was that why she had been angry?

"I'm running late. Thank you for your advice."

Gabriel gave a brief bow and excused himself. His footsteps, unlike before, were very quick.

"If you run away, Sir Knight, that suits me just fine."

Kanna murmured, watching his retreating figure. The cat clicked its tongue as if dissatisfied.

If Gabriel could not overcome this trial, then the only human being on earth who loved Evangeline Rohanson was Kanna alone. She could have her all to herself—that would be wonderful. And yet, at the same time, she wanted the things the young lady cherished to grow.

The wind rose. Petals scattered.

Kanna walked into them as if the cherry blossoms were falling snow.

"It's spring."

It was June—well past spring. The pride of the Rohanson County House, the cherry blossoms said to have been planted by the late Countess—still unfallen, still beautiful, blooming on this summer night.

After Gabriel leaves, on my way back to Misha to get out of the fitted dress, I run into Kanna returning from her walk.

Her eyes go wide. Her cheeks flush red. It's clearly the face of someone struck at first sight—exactly the reaction Misha was trying to get from Gabriel, I realize.

"Are you an angel? Why don't you have wings?"

Kanna covers her mouth with both hands, breathless with amazement.

Why is everyone in my household so good at flattery? Misha's staff laid it on pretty thick too—did they take a seminar from her while I wasn't looking? Well. If you want to survive next to a villainess, you put on the sycophant show.

"No wonder Sir Gabriel couldn't keep his head on straight. Even I find myself wondering why the young lady doesn't have wings..."

"You met Gabriel?"

"Yes. He walked out looking completely exhausted."

Kanna does a full impression—voice and all—walking with slumped shoulders.

My conscience stings.

More than once.

I did go too far, after all.

Should I have just gone along with it? Or at least said thank you!

It's not like I'm actually going to fall in love with him. Avoiding the villainess's death flags is my objective, so I just need to play along with Gabriel appropriately. Then he'd actively go around protecting me.

And—I only realized this too late—it wasn't even actually a confession, was it? I was the one who jumped ahead and asked "is this a confession?" When I came out with "you like me?"—Gabriel couldn't say a word, after all.

Wait—zero confessions, one rejection?

Did I run ahead and reject something entirely on my own?

Gabriel does like me. But he didn't exactly ask me to go out with him.

Ugh! Why did I do that. I regret it so much...

I thought I'd been managing just fine since possessing this body, but I went and had a complete blowup at Gabriel out of nowhere. It's not even 3 AM, and I got all wrapped up in 3 AM feelings and took out all my frustration on the male lead who was just playing his role. This is all because I didn't sleep properly. That's why people need to sleep, you know.

I take Pudding from Kanna's arms. I slam my fist into the floor, internally.

He's nocturnal, so it's not even his bedtime, but he has his eyes closed anyway. I scratch under his chin and he purrs contentedly.

Oh.

That's healing. Animal therapy—the best. All of today's exhaustion, gone. If Pudding weren't a beastfolk, I'd bury my face in his belly.

"Kanna. Thank you for walking Pudding in my place today."

"Of course. You were busy today, young lady."

I'd arranged to see Gabriel today, so Kanna walked Pudding instead. These errands usually fall to Kanna.

She has the least seniority of anyone, so external attendance has always gone to Henna and Daisy. Especially lately, I've been bringing Daisy along often—she has more experience. So I've probably been neglecting Kanna.

Worth reflecting on.

"Are you going to see Lady Schmitiana?"

"That's right. Come with me."

Daisy and Henna have probably already had their measurements taken—it's just Kanna left. We go together: I return the dress, Kanna gets measured. Perfect.

"Me too?"

"Yes. I need to have yours made too."

"Me?"

"I've already asked for Henna's and Daisy's. When we went to the Grand Temple last time, you received some harsh words because of me."

Kanna seems to recall what happened at the Grand Temple and nods—then buries herself in my arms. Pudding, whose spot has been invaded, swats at her. No, Pudding—Kanna watched over you all day. You can give her half my arms.

"Young miss..."

From below, a muffled sound. Someone trying not to cry.

Surely not. Is she actually crying? Over getting one dress made?

The same Kanna who, when I scattered gold coins everywhere, just went "wow, best young lady ever" with a thumbs-up? The same Kanna who, when I bought enough ready-made clothes to fill a carriage, said "choosing what to wear is going to be quite the challenge" and kept perfectly calm? Our mentally indestructible Kanna?

So the answer was custom clothing.

Noted.

Let's look into keeping Misha on permanently.

"I'm yours until I die, miss. Use me however you like."

Kanna says it through a stuffy nose.

I'm not going to "use" you. Saying something like that in a honking, stuffy-nose voice doesn't land. Honestly. The heroine who repays her debts—her devotion range really is something else.

"You like me, don't you, miss?"

Kanna lifts her face to look at me, eyes brimming.

Actually there's a more accurate answer—and there's Gabriel's track record. I can't be cold to someone who's crying. So I just nod.

Come to think of it, when I read novels I usually end up liking the female lead best. So that means I like Kanna too.