FSW Chapter 11

Smile

"Today's appetizer is cream of mushroom soup and salmon carpaccio."

The dishes arranged on the tray were set before Nishina one by one. Each was something she normally enjoyed. But Nishina didn't pick up her spoon quickly—instead she sat frozen with a serious expression. Joy tilted her head at the uncharacteristic reaction.

"Your Highness? Aren't you going to eat?"

"...Mm, I'll eat."

She answered half-heartedly and swirled her spoon around. The savory aroma tickled her nose. But she had no appetite whatsoever.

She forced herself to swallow a spoonful of soup, but it went down her throat like she'd swallowed sand. In the end, she set down her spoon after barely a few bites.

Nishina wasn't a big eater, but she didn't enjoy eating small portions either. Ellis, who had been standing to the side, asked worriedly at the absurdly small amount consumed.

"Should I bring you something else?"

Nishina shook her head. The food wasn't the problem. The problem was entirely on Nishina's side.

"You must be tired from training today—you need to eat to keep your strength up!"

'...I didn't train at all today.'

Nishina swallowed the words and smiled awkwardly. It would be a million times better to keep her mouth shut than to confess the truth and have to explain the reason. But her forced smile and silence seemed to have the opposite effect. Not only Joy, who was already extreme in her worry, but even Ellis wore a face full of concern.

"Then I'll bring you some warm milk!"

"W-wait...!"

Ellis moved so quickly there was no time to stop her—she dashed out of the room in an instant. Nishina withdrew her outstretched hand futilely toward the door that had shut with a thud.

What she needed right now wasn't milk—it was a magic artifact that could turn back time!

If such a thing existed, she'd be willing to invest an entire year's allowance to buy it. But naturally, such things didn't exist in reality. At this cruel fact, Nishina's regret deepened even further. She regretted causing such an incident, but she regretted even more not following him.

He had reassured her that it was fine, then took the lead himself, saying he would escort her back. She had firmly refused his consideration that mercilessly attacked her conscience—but instead of sending him off alone like that, she should have gone with him and at least tried to explain.

She hadn't thought through the fact that he was the type who would just accept punishment rather than make excuses.

'Why did I fall asleep in the first place!'

In the end, the curses were directed at herself.

As Nishina banged her head against the table repeatedly—thunk, thunk—the door opened gently. It wasn't Ellis with milk, but Hilton, who had briefly stepped out. Nishina turned her head weakly, slumped over the table. She saw from her sideways view him switching places with the knight who had been standing guard in his absence.

Now that she thought about it, she remembered the reason he'd stepped out today was to supervise the apprentice knights' training. Since he was assigned as Nishina's escort, he couldn't do it often, but she knew he visited the training grounds about once a week.

Realizing this, Nishina quickly sat up and rushed over to Hilton.

"Sir Hilton!"

When she thrust her face close and shouted, the startled Hilton stumbled backward.

"Y-Your Highness?"

"Are you coming from the training grounds?"

"Yes, I was supervising training at the grounds, but..."

"What about Sir Russell?!"

"Pardon?"

At the point that burst out abruptly, Hilton's face filled with bewilderment. But she had long since lost any capacity to care about his feelings.

"Sir Russell skipped afternoon training today! The truth is, it was because of me..."

"Ah, so that's what it was. I was puzzled—he's not the type to skip without reason."

"He wasn't punished, was he?"

Nishina asked with an anxious face. At Nishina's appearance, which seemed almost desperate, Hilton answered reluctantly.

"I didn't give him any, but Sir Richard..."

"He did?"

The shocked voice burst out a tone higher.

She had hoped she'd misheard. Hilton delivered the final confirmation by nodding his head. At the devastating affirmation, words burst out like a groan.

"You should have stopped him!"

"Pardon?"

Hilton made a baffled expression, but Nishina didn't even see it.

'What do I do!'

Nishina, who had gone into a panic in an instant, gnawed at her fingernails and paced busily around the room. It was Hilton—the one who had thrown the stone—who caught her before she could calm down. Gently holding Nishina's shoulders, he added soothingly:

"It wasn't such a severe punishment, so there's no need to worry."

"...What kind of punishment was it?"

She asked cautiously with a thread of hope, but the answer that came from his mouth instantly pushed Nishina into an abyss of despair.

"Just some disciplinary exercises and 30 laps around the training grounds."

"That's an extremely severe punishment!"

Nishina's mouth fell open.

'I almost died just doing three laps!'

The training hall was disgustingly large, but the training grounds the knights used was even larger than that. Thirty laps around such a place! She'd heard the apprentices usually ran around ten laps. She knew he could run that much easily, but triple the distance would surely be too much even for him.

'And he probably couldn't eat dinner either!'

At this point, the guilt made her feel like the food she'd eaten—just soup—might all come back up.

Nishina's face went pale as she shook her head urgently. Perhaps Sir Richard, thinking it too harsh, had withdrawn the punishment and let him eat.

But if he really was still being punished all the way through...

"Surely he's not still doing it now?"

Nishina lifted her head desperately and grabbed Hilton's collar frantically. If he didn't answer quickly, she looked ready to shake him by the collar.

"I saw him on his 25th lap when I left, so unless he's seriously injured, he should be done by now."

"I-injured?"

"Yes, well, he seemed to run out of stamina toward the end and took quite a fall. But he's such a monster that you don't really need to worry..."

"He fell?!"

Nishina's body froze like a statue in shock. The flustered Hilton called out "Your Highness?" and shook her, but it had no effect.

After a long while, Nishina weakly pushed away his hand and staggered forward. Then she collapsed onto the sofa with a thump. It was Lavis who had been punished, Lavis who had been injured—yet somehow Nishina looked like her world had ended.

"Y-Your Highness...? Are you all right?"

"Not at all."

They say no one has died of shame, but surely someone has died of guilt?

'If such a person exists, it'll be me.'

She wasn't afraid of being hated. Having watched him, she knew—he was the type to take responsibility himself rather than blame Nishina. As someone who lived with the word "it's fine" on his lips, he would surely answer the same way this time. Then the guilt that had been steadily accumulating would swell up like an inflating balloon until it finally burst. Yes, that would surely be her cause of death.

"It's all over."

Nishina, who had let go of everything, laughed hollowly. Hilton seemed frightened by the emotional changes that had been hard to follow from the start, but Nishina paid no attention. Nishina dropped her unfocused eyes to the floor and nodded to herself.

'Calm down, and when I meet him tomorrow, I'll prostrate myself in apology.'

Yes, that will work.

She made the decision calmly, but regrettably, the conclusion itself was anything but calm.

'A ruler must not easily speak words of apology to those beneath them.'

It was something Carlos had once said, but Nishina hadn't listened to a word of it. He could take that nonsense and shove it. She wasn't a ruler, and moreover, she didn't think of him as beneath her.

So this apology was justified.

"I'm truly, truly sorry."

She bowed her head in apology, filled with self-reproach. If she could, she wanted to prostrate herself.

But he was already at a loss, waving both hands frantically at just this much. If she actually got on her knees, he'd probably be horrified.

Nishina lifted her head gloomily and examined him with concern. From what she'd heard yesterday, he'd taken quite a fall. Unfortunately, his long-sleeved top and long pants meant she couldn't see any wounds. She stopped staring at him as if trying to see through him and asked probingly.

"Are you hurt anywhere? Injured?"

"No."

"Really?"

When she stared piercingly, he quietly averted his eyes. He was truly terrible at lying. Nishina clicked her tongue and quickly knelt down.

"Excuse me for a moment."

Then without hesitation, she rolled up his pant leg. He jerked his foot back reflexively in surprise, but Nishina gripped his pant leg tightly and wouldn't let go. Embarrassed by his suddenly exposed leg, he reached out to pull his pants back down, but Nishina firmly slapped his hand away.

"Tsk!"

"..."

"Hold still."

Only after his hand was awkwardly withdrawn could Nishina examine his knee properly. The knee covered in wounds hadn't been treated with medicine—scabs were stuck all over it, and the deeply gouged parts still had blood pooling in them.

In short, it was a complete mess, and Nishina's eyes crumpled all at once. It hadn't been long since she'd been in pain from the same kind of wound. So she knew better than anyone how much this hurt.

A sigh escaped through Nishina's lips of its own accord, unable to even think of touching it.

"Ah... it must have hurt a lot."

Her crumpled eyes quickly fell to a sad angle. What should I do, murmured Nishina as she suddenly rummaged through her pocket.

What she soon held in her hand was ointment. When her foot had been injured, Joy had gotten a bunch of ointment—she'd brought some just in case. She should have brought all the leftovers if she'd known it would come to this. As she carefully applied the ointment to the wound, Lavis opened his mouth as if troubled.

"This much is nothing. You don't need to apply medicine or anything..."

"You have to. Will Sir Russell take responsibility if it scars?"

Whether she knew or not that this resembled something Joy had once said to her, Nishina spoke sternly. At the unusually firm attitude, Lavis's mouth closed neatly. His fidgeting hands also lost their strength with a thump.

He looked cowed like a child who'd done something wrong. Nishina glanced up at him and finally let out a deep sigh. She'd gotten upset at the wrong thing because she was distressed. In a much softer tone, Nishina quietly lamented:

"You should have at least made the excuse that it was because of me."

If he'd revealed it was Nishina's fault, he surely wouldn't have been punished. Even if they'd held him responsible too, it would have ended with a very light punishment.

But her kind teacher, who couldn't look after his own interests, hadn't done that. She finished applying the ointment with a heart full of regret. He flinched slightly—the ointment must have stung quite a bit. Watching him swallow the pain, something hot suddenly welled up inside her.

'A kid can be a little late sometimes!'

In yesterday's case, it was basically the same as skipping entirely, but still!

'When you know perfectly well he wasn't late from fooling around!'

Nishina, who had been fuming at Sir Richard for no reason, made a serious proposal.

"Should I scratch Sir Richard's knees just the same?"

As she made a gesture of raising her fingernails like a vicious cat and asked, surprisingly, the corners of his mouth twisted slightly. Nishina stared blankly up at his eyes curved like a crescent moon. It had been faint, but still—it was the first time. His smiling face.

"Oh... you smiled!"

Nishina, amazed, smiled even more happily than he did.

Seeing emotion fill those eyes that had been like dead fish was like watching a camellia bloom fully. That sight was truly—beautiful.

Enough to make her heart drop.