FSW Chapter 13

Attempt

"Come in."

At his voice from beyond the door, Nishina's hand seized the doorknob with a jolt. The metal in her grip was shockingly cold—but her nervous hands were colder still. With fingers curled tight, she carefully pushed the door open.

Her eyes met Aiden's across a desk buried under stacks of books and documents. As if she were an unexpected visitor, his gaze sharpened in an instant.

Aiden glanced at her briefly, then lowered his eyes and resumed moving his pen.

What terrible timing. Nishina sighed inwardly.

Even without their coming-of-age ceremonies, imperial family members began assisting the Emperor with administrative duties at fifteen. Whether they would become Emperor or not, they needed to learn governance.

Moreover, it was an ideal opportunity to demonstrate one's capabilities as a leader early, so most heirs threw themselves into the work with earnest dedication. Aiden especially was known as something of a workaholic—he spent extraordinarily long hours in his office.

Nishina had no way of knowing his break schedule, so she'd simply come to his office on a whim. She'd hoped for better luck, but of course not. The timing was far from ideal for a personal conversation.

Under Aiden's thorough indifference, Nishina stood awkwardly at the entrance before shuffling her way inside.

She glanced around uncertainly, then called to him in a small voice.

"Um, Brother..."

"What is it."

His voice dropped ice with every syllable, tightening the knot of tension in her chest. Still, Nishina scraped together every scrap of courage she didn't have and held out the bag of cookies.

She'd thought the blue ribbon tying the bag suited him perfectly—the color matched his eyes—but looking at it now, it seemed all wrong. Somehow embarrassed, unable to meet his gaze, she fumbled for words.

"Well, I baked some cookies. Oh! They're not sweet, so they should suit your taste—"

"Why would I trust anything you brought me enough to eat it?"

The cutting words made Nishina's hand tremble in midair.

Those barbed words became daggers, lodging themselves somewhere near her heart. Her hand dropped with a dull thump at the dizzying pain.

She hadn't expected him to be pleased. But she hadn't anticipated he'd doubt her sincerity itself.

She understood well enough. With the Empress gone, Aiden had lost his greatest backing—and more retainers were treating him openly like a severed puppet string. In that situation, Nishina's very existence must feel all the more threatening.

But still.

'More than that... he simply dislikes me so much that even small gestures of goodwill feel uncomfortable, doesn't he.'

Faced with a truth she hadn't wanted to acknowledge, Nishina bit her lip hard.

"If you're finished, leave."

Aiden, who had no intention of accepting anything, withdrew even the cursory glance he'd tossed her like alms. As if she weren't there at all.

Nishina forced down the heat rising in her throat.

She'd steeled herself for hurt. But the more she tried to understand, the more the resentment she'd pressed down deep began to surface.

'If it was going to be like this, you shouldn't have become someone valuable to me in the first place.'

If he weren't important to her, she wouldn't be shaken like this.

But even now, she remembered the warmth of his hand. That slightly larger hand, warmer than it had any right to be, wrapping around her cold fingers—it had felt like being held close.

Now all she could grasp was sharp, cutting air.

"...Brother."

"Do I need to open the door for you myself?"

Thoroughly annoyed, he spoke with irritation written across his face.

She'd accepted that being hurt for his sake had value—but that didn't mean it didn't ache.

Each time his anger and hostility struck home, she felt that much sadder. Watching her clumsily offered affection trampled underfoot, she untied the neatly bound ribbon.

She pulled out one small cookie and bit into it. The plain, wholesome taste of whole wheat filled her mouth. The cookie felt somehow dry and crumbly as she chewed stubbornly and swallowed, then placed the remaining cookies at the edge of his desk.

"What exactly are you doing now?"

His eyes were fierce as they looked down at the object occupying a corner of his desk.

"Now you can trust it and eat it, can't you?"

Nishina brushed the cookie crumbs from her lips and replied evenly.

Aiden glared at the cookies with deeply furrowed brows, then returned his attention to his documents as if they weren't worth responding to.

"I'm sorry for disturbing you."

Despite his unchanged dismissal, Nishina finished her polite farewell before turning away.

Those cookies would probably end up in the trash exactly as they were—but that was all right.

She hadn't hoped for him to accept her gift. She'd simply wanted to give him a gift.

Pushing even the faint sting of disappointment down her throat, Nishina barely managed to make peace with that.

If shoulders drooped in proportion to dejection, hers would probably be dragging on the ground by now. There wasn't an ounce of energy in Nishina's trudging form.

She'd rinsed her mouth with water, but the faint taste of whole wheat lingering oddly on her tongue felt bitter somehow.

This time she fiddled with the cookies wrapped in red ribbon. These too were made from carefully selected finest ingredients, of course—but they looked stranger than the whole wheat cookies that had been rejected.

Perhaps the shapes were perfectly fine, but to Nishina's eyes—her confidence having plummeted to rock bottom after what just happened—they looked that way.

'Should I just throw them away? What if giving something like this just makes things awkward?'

Even as her steps repeated in what might have been walking or dragging, Nishina's head remained lowered.

That's why she didn't notice. She'd not only arrived at the training grounds but had come right up to Lavis himself.

"I greet Your Imperial Highness."

Only when she heard his voice directly in front of her did Nishina's head snap up. She hurriedly bowed her head following his bow—but in doing so, she dropped the cookies she'd been holding loosely.

"Ah..."

Nishina sighed, though she felt no real regret.

Since I dropped them anyway, I should just throw them out—she'd just resigned herself to that when Lavis, with quick reflexes, safely rescued the cookies right before they hit the ground.

Though he'd instinctively caught the falling object, he apparently hadn't known what it was.

"...Cookies?"

He murmured in puzzlement, having finally identified them.

The moment he spoke, Nishina quickly snatched the shabby-looking cookies from his hand.

Her bold ambition to gift handmade treats had evaporated long ago. Now she simply felt embarrassed by the results. She wanted to hurl them far away.

"These aren't for you!"

The words that burst out in her haste sounded somehow cold, so she hurriedly added an explanation.

"I mean, I did make them for you, but it's my f-first time, so the shapes are strange and the taste is—"

"...You made them yourself?"

He asked again, sounding surprised. Those round, widened eyes felt intensely burdensome. Nishina lowered her gaze and rambled excuses.

"W-well, you were punished because of me, and you got hurt, so I tried this as an apology, but maybe I should have asked the pâtissier after all. If there's something you'd like to eat, just tell me. I'll have it made by tomorrow—!"

The words that began without direction scattered everywhere. Her face felt hot somehow. As she ran ahead like a runaway train toward her own conclusions, two hands suddenly entered her field of vision.

When she slowly followed those extended hands, at their end was Lavis—his eyes more expectant than when she usually brought desserts.

Nishina closed her mouth briefly in bewilderment, then urgently waved her hands.

"No, these are something I made, so they're not fit to eat!"

"Ah... I apologize for making such a presumptuous request."

Lavis withdrew his hands, looking dejected. If he'd had large rabbit ears, they surely would have drooped.

She felt like she'd given candy to a child only to snatch it back.

"I made them for Sir Russell in the first place! There's no way that could be true!"

Driven by guilt, she thrust the cookies at him before she knew what she was doing. Without time for her to take them back or stop him, the moment the cookies touched his hand, he untied the ribbon and brought one straight to his mouth.

Though they were surely inferior to the desserts she usually brought, he ate the cookies with a far more pleased expression.

"...You don't have to force yourself to eat them."

"They're delicious. Truly."

His eyes held satisfaction—suggesting this wasn't mere empty courtesy.

Watching him chew thoroughly through a considerable quantity of cookies without leaving a single one, she felt something that had been cooling warm up inside her. Was this what people meant by feeling healed?

He was definitely the person who would kill her—yet the longer they spent time together, far from hostility or wariness, even the walls that had existed were crumbling down.

In terms of danger level, this was a red light—but Nishina didn't care at all. From the moment they'd first met, he hadn't been a target for manipulation but someone she wished happiness for, just like Aiden.

"If I'd known, I should have brought milk too."

Her anxiety about the humble gift had long since vanished. The truth was, she'd simply been afraid of being rejected again.

'Was I hurt more than I thought?'

Nishina smiled bitterly and gazed at him steadily.

His peach-tinted cheeks working away captured her attention. Before she knew it, her hand reached out and smoothed back the hair that had fallen across his face.

She'd simply disliked the shadow it cast over his eyes. Belatedly realizing the impropriety, Nishina jerked her hand back in surprise.

"Oh, I'm sorry!"

The one who'd committed the act seemed less startled than the one it was done to. The tips of his ears, which had frozen in place, gradually flushed red.

"It's all right."

He answered as if by habit. Not "as if"—at this point, it simply was a habit.

Normally this verbal tic would be entirely unwelcome, but not right now. Even though she'd withdrawn her hand, the soft texture of hair twining through her fingers remained vividly.

For a moment, she'd felt doubly healed. Would it be wrong to touch it just once more?

Like a child desperate to pet a cute animal, Nishina agonized before clenching her fist tight.

'Since I already made the mistake, might as well be shameless about it.'

"Then... may I touch it a bit more?"

At the unexpected request, his eyes shook violently.

He had every reason to be flustered. If Nishina had received such a request from someone else, she would have given them not bewilderment but an icy stare.

So this time, even if he refused, she could fully accept it. The request itself had been absurd from the start.

But instead, he nodded hesitantly after a moment.

He even lowered his head to make it easier to touch and quietly entrusted his hair to her. Looking down at the luxurious strands, Nishina's expression grew troubled.

'First that smile, and now this—just how cute is this person planning to become?'

She pressed down firmly on her tightening chest. This was exactly like the shock when the stray cat that had snuck into the palace courtyard had kneaded her with its paws for the first time.

Proud that it had opened its heart to her. Finding every little action adorable beyond bearing. And therefore wanting to pet it endlessly.

"Then please excuse me for a moment."

Her pale hand settled carefully on the silver hair. The texture tickling her fingertips felt like it was wrapping around even the wounds she'd received today.

Was this why people kept pets? Nishina recalled the animal therapy she'd once read about in a book.

Though her companion wasn't an animal, in terms of being healed, wasn't it somewhat similar?

Only when she noticed his ears had flushed beyond control did Nishina reluctantly withdraw her touch, thick with lingering reluctance.