FSW Chapter 30

If life was climbing a great mountain, then perhaps the one before her was a mountain drenched in seawater, Nishina thought. Climbing with bloodied feet on a path carpeted with salt crystals that had sprouted everywhere.

Watching that figure walking forward silently through terrible suffering made her suddenly feel wretched.

Things that repeated daily like the rising sun. Things that brought agony just from witnessing their unfathomable form. His suffering was like that.

But what made her feel even more wretched was how suffering had become familiar to him like a habit. That's why Nishina hated his words of "it's all right."

'It's all right no matter what happens to me.'

'It's all right even if I'm in pain.'

Those were the kinds of words he swallowed. His words, saturated with resignation, carried the faint scent of blood. Obviously smeared from his wounds.

"Your Highness, I'm all right."

He said it again, like a habit. What exactly was all right? This situation wasn't all right, and neither was he—nothing was all right. And why was he, the person concerned, the only one who didn't know this?

She blinked away her blurring vision. Dense droplets rolled down, and only then could she glimpse his face. It was a face as if the world had collapsed. Each time her tears fell drop by drop, he bit his lip and didn't know what to do.

He hid his dirtied hands inside his sleeves, then hesitantly reached out. The hand carefully wiping away tears trembled.

He paid no mind whatsoever to his own wounds, yet felt such sorrow over her tears. It was unbearably upsetting. Nishina could no longer hold back and whipped her head away.

"I'm not all right at all!"

Because you're all right—no, because you believe you're all right—I'm not all right.

The words spilled out like a sigh, sharp. And simultaneously heartbreaking. She hoped he would recognize it from the shrapnel that flew and struck him.

If that wasn't possible, she hoped she could at least show him her heart. If only she could do that, she could thrust his heart—burned black with nothing but ash remaining—before his eyes and tell him:

This isn't all right at all.

They say a man ought to be the master of his own fate, but he remained a mere shadow even in his own story. It was because he'd grown alongside loss. Because he'd been raised on cruelty. That was also the source of his terrible immunity.

If only she could meet him from younger days, from when he hadn't yet built up that immunity and still wept from pain. She would hold that small version of him close, again and again. And whisper to him, again and again: you are meant for a happy ending. You don't have to bear this. The useless imagining only made her chest ache worse.

Now tears came so heavily she could barely see ahead. The world was blurred. Her ears felt stuffy. Her eyes stung. Even so, she grieved in his place, and grieved again.

In this rain that wouldn't stop, his face looked as if he might cry too. As if each falling tear landed on his heart, he suffered and finally pleaded.

"...Shina, please don't cry."

The choked voice forced itself out with difficulty. At his desperate request, Nishina swallowed her tears for a moment. Partly because of his face that looked ready to suffocate from anguish, but also because of that familiar yet unfamiliar way of addressing her.

"...What did you just say?"

Her voice, cracked and a mess, squeezed through her vocal cords. If his intention had been to stop her tears, it was an excellent choice. Her eyes, wet with moisture, widened in surprise.

Relieved that her tears had finally stopped, he couldn't tear his gaze from her reddened eyes. For a long while, he only stared at Nishina's reddened eyes, wet cheeks, and tear-beaded lashes. All while his mouth remained firmly shut.

"One more time... call me that again."

Nishina requested in a voice still full of tears. His lips twitched several times with a troubled expression before he finally produced a small voice.

"...Shina."

The word that emerged was only two syllables, yet trembled pitifully. As much as his wandering gaze. After refusing so firmly, he'd gathered courage to comfort her without even being able to meet her eyes—his heart was so infinitely warm that Nishina forcibly swallowed the wretchedness rising in her throat. She was still upset and sad, but for his sake, Nishina wanted to be someone who could give him a smile, even for just a moment, rather than someone who cried in his place.

"...That's really unfair."

So even with tear-filled eyes, she couldn't help but smile in the end.

She nearly choked up again at his split lip and swollen cheek, but barely composed herself. Perhaps because she'd cried her fill, she could think far more coldly than before.

Even thinking back on what just happened, she could barel—

Nishina ground her teeth, glaring at his wounds with a face colder than winter wind. Those who'd insulted him truly couldn't be forgiven!

'No, that's not the urgent matter.'

What was truly urgent was treatment. She wanted to take him to the imperial physician immediately, but if she brought him—with his obviously reddened eyes and wounds that anyone could see came from being beaten—it would certainly cause a commotion.

For his sake too, it seemed better to summon the physician rather than go find one. Besides, she hadn't yet given him the flowers or snacks she'd prepared. Recalling the trampled hydrangeas, Nishina choked up again.

She'd wrapped them so prettily too. Her shoulders drooped weakly. The one fortunate thing was that a few more hydrangea blossoms remained.

So naturally, their destination was that place.

The moment the direction was decided, Nishina naturally snatched his wrist.

Leading him ahead as before, he followed without resistance. Even so, he glanced back at the receding training grounds. Not forgetting his duties even in this situation, he asked cautiously.

"Training is..."

"Do you really think we're doing that right now?"

When Nishina whirled around and shot him a pointed look—or more precisely, shot his wounds a pointed look—he clamped his mouth shut.

After that, silence. He didn't ask where they were going, just followed obediently. Nishina glanced at his bowed head like a criminal and let out a deep sigh.

He'd done nothing wrong whatsoever. She was just angry because seeing his wounds reminded her of those who'd insulted him.

"I'm not angry at you, Lavi, so don't bow your head."

"...Yes."

Even his answer seemed somehow dispirited. Nishina blamed herself for being emotional while simultaneously redirecting her arrow toward those people.

'If not for them, I wouldn't have spoken sharply to Lavi!'

Chewing over each face she'd engraved in her eyes, she walked for some time before arriving at a familiar place. He seemed to realize their destination too, as his following footsteps noticeably slowed.

"This is..."

It was Nishina's palace, famous throughout the imperial grounds for its beauty. He should remember it, since he'd escorted her here once before when she'd injured her foot.

She personally grabbed and pulled the hesitating him along again. Unlike before, she could feel his hesitation with each step, but it couldn't stop Nishina's forward march. He couldn't shake off her hand to begin with.

The palace attendants who discovered Nishina bursting in during training hours all widened their eyes. Her returning at a time different from the schedule wasn't particularly unusual, but the fact that she wasn't alone shocked them.

And with a man, no less!

The maids curtsied to Nishina while rolling their eyes diligently. Their gazes followed persistently. Their shocked eyes all said the same thing:

'Our Imperial Highness brought a man! Just what kind of shameless bastard—!'

Wary gazes fixed on the man who'd instantly become a shameless bastard. They were fully prepared to use even Sir Hilton to defeat the man.

But their momentum didn't last long before breaking. Because the one following had silver hair. Silver hair wasn't common, and there was only one silver-haired man who would be with Nishina.

Everyone knew him despite his having visited the palace only once—not because his hair color or eyes were unusual, but because the disgrace of Nishina returning a complete mess after only two days of sword training, carried by her instructor, had spread throughout the palace.

'Of course.'

Just as they deflated with a pssh and were about to return to their tasks, a deduction flashed through their minds like lightning.

'Wait, then why at this hour... Don't tell me she's injured again!'

Training hours hadn't even ended, yet she'd returned with her instructor—what other reason could there be?

However, unlike before, Nishina wasn't being carried by him or looking uncomfortable anywhere. On the contrary, she was confidently pulling him along. To anyone watching, the one with a problem was clearly Lavis being dragged along with his head bowed, but they were certain Nishina had the problem.

'Because our Imperial Highness is delicate!'

Unaware in her dreams that the overprotection extended beyond Hilton and Joy, Nishina stood at the center of worried gazes. They were quite blatant, but she didn't notice at all. Nishina was currently in serious conflict.

The flowers to gift him were in her bedroom. The spare snacks were there too, so heading to the bedroom would be convenient. However, if she dragged him to her bedroom, the maids would be horrified and stop her. Nishina shook her head vigorously, imagining even the disaster of her father rushing over after hearing news that spread with lightning speed.

'Let's just go to the drawing room.'

Nishina concluded cleanly. Though the location was a bit confusing since she rarely used it except when receiving her mother, Nishina successfully found the drawing room.

The drawing room resembled its owner—rather than splendid, it had a comfortable and cozy atmosphere. All the furniture except things like curtains and rugs was in white tones, which paradoxically created an even warmer atmosphere.

Melissa had once described it as "like being submerged in sunlight." Unlike Lavis, who couldn't quite bring himself to step into that space, Nishina calmly led him toward the center of the drawing room.

The maids cleaning the drawing room seemed quite startled by the sudden visitor. Though he stood behind Nishina, he wasn't hidden in the slightest, and gazes concentrated on him. He still had his head bowed, yet they quickly recognized him and left with similar expressions of relief after curtsying.

They seemed to have gone to summon Joy, who was completely unaware of this. Judging by how Joy came to the drawing room shortly after.

Her breathing was labored, as if shocked by the unscheduled return, she'd rushed over in a hurry.

"Your Highness! What on earth...!"

Joy was particularly shocked by Nishina's bright red eyes. Explanation or justification was needed, but for Nishina, his treatment was most urgent.

"Go to the Imperial Medical Office right now and summon Hugh. If Hugh's not available, any other physician is fine."

"Your Highness, I'm all ri—!"

"The words 'all right' are forbidden today only."

When she spoke coolly, he flinched. However, he didn't bend his will.

"You truly don't need to summon anyone. It's a trivial wound, so it's all... it doesn't hurt at all."

He expressed his will strongly, which was rare.

From the moment she'd taken him as her instructor, Nishina had thought this, but she didn't want to force anything on him. He was someone who'd been forced onto the battlefield, forced into the imperial palace.

So the loser was already decided. Nishina swallowed her dissatisfaction and nodded.