IWBAACTWITOS Chapter 11

When I got home, I received punishment for "self-reflection time," which meant I had to sit in a chair staring at the wall for quite a while.

Honestly, sitting still for a long time is only torture for little kids—it wasn't particularly hard for me.

But wandering through vivid memories and occasionally snapping back to reality made my head hurt too much.

'Was there something wrong with the life-flashing-before-your-eyes process?'

They say the human brain secretes adrenaline to escape the extreme pain of dying, making you recall forgotten past memories.

I'd closed my eyes seeing my brother's tear-streaked face, watched a flashback like I was fast-forwarding through film, and when I opened my eyes again, I was baby Thaleia.

I'd been too busy adapting to my smaller body and the excruciating pain to think about it, but that entire flashback process came back to me through a trivial trigger.

'Brother, I died. Didn't I?'

The mom from my memories obviously couldn't answer. For once that guy had come out to meet me on his way to buy ramen, and he flew magnificently through the air right before my eyes.

I even remembered the ramen bag dropping from his hand. If not for that, I would've cooked and eaten that ramen with him while listening to Mom nag about eating so late at night.

'I never jaywalked once after becoming an adult.'

I always followed traffic laws thinking I'd be the one who'd lose if I broke them, but it turned out following them myself was useless.

Whether the car malfunctioned or the driver was drunk or drowsy, I hoped whoever hit me would be completely ruined.

I knew that couldn't compensate for my life that had ended, or for my family who'd lost me, but hoping for at least that much was all I could do.

I vaguely understood now why I'd been born here, but that was a separate matter from my life.

"Tilly."

I already knew someone had come in through the open door and was watching me. Julian, who'd been standing behind me for a while, called my name.

"...Dad."

As expected, I was a weak person—even if I couldn't acknowledge him as Dad, I could at least call him that.

"Your punishment is over now. Come here."

When Julian gestured, I got up from the chair and approached him. Julian stroked my head and asked if I'd reflected enough.

"Yeah."

"Really?"

"...Actually, if you tell me to hit him again, I could do it."

Julian burst out laughing at my answer. Finding something terribly amusing, Julian laughed for quite a while before hugging me. Being held in Julian's arms seemed to ease my terrible headache a little. But since I still didn't feel good, I asked him grumpily, almost accusingly, why he was laughing.

"What's so funny?"

"Tilly takes after Dad."

"Dad, did you hit His Imperial Highness?"

"No, no. I've hit someone who used to be His Imperial Highness, but I've never hit the current His Imperial Highness."

"You mean Dad's only friend, the one called His Imperial Majesty?"

When Julian nodded, I snickered. According to the setting, Philius was indeed the only person Julian ever used violence against.

"Does Tilly like Asher?"

"I told you before that I like him."

"Because he's cute?"

"No, I just like him because he's Asher."

Julian smiled gently at my answer.

"You've made a good friend."

"Asher says he wants to marry me."

"Absolutely not. How dare he, whose daughter—"

"Then who should I marry?"

"Dad."

"But Dad already married Mom."

"Then Tilly can marry Mom too. Marry Dad and marry Mom too."

"...Forget it. I'd rather not marry anyone."

"Right, you shouldn't marry anyone and should live with Mom, Dad, and Royna forever."

Whatever the case, what Julian wanted was for the family to live happily together. Julian, who knew nothing, smiled and asked me.

"Who is our Tilly the daughter of?"

"...I wonder, whose daughter am I?"

"Whose daughter? Mom and Dad's daughter, of course."

"Are you happy that I'm Mom and Dad's daughter?"

"Of course, I'm so, so happy that Thaleia is Mom and Dad's daughter."

I buried my face in Julian's shoulder and closed my eyes.

"I want to sleep with Mom and Dad tonight."

"Really?"

"Yeah."

"What's gotten into our Tilly that she's acting spoiled?"

"So, you don't like it?"

"No, I love it."

I couldn't see his expression with my face buried in his arms, but I didn't need to. His smile was definitely stretching from ear to ear.

'Just for one day.'

Just for one night, I wanted to forget that this place was a novel I'd written and think of Roxana and Julian as Mom and Dad. Thinking of my own dad while being held in his arms—someone who loved only me—was unfair to both of them, but right now, I couldn't endure it any other way.

A small foot that had kicked off the blanket landed right on Roxana's waist. Julian, who'd been reading documents, lowered Thaleia's foot. He covered her with the blanket again and tried to return to his reading, but suddenly felt someone's gaze and turned his head. Roxana, whom he'd thought was asleep, was staring directly at him.

"You weren't sleeping?"

"I woke up."

Roxana, showing no intention of going back to sleep, sat up. She pressed her gritty eyes firmly before taking interest in the documents Julian had been reading.

"Is that the list of the prince's attendants?"

"Yeah, he'll arrive in the capital in a few days, so there's a lot to prepare. The Knight Order is going out to meet him, right?"

"Right, tomorrow... no, it's today now. I'll leave tomorrow morning leading thirty knights and a hundred soldiers."

Roxana personally going out to meet him had already been decided. But the number of soldiers Roxana was leading was almost enough to call an army.

"I understand the soldiers, but do you really need thirty knights?"

"It's too quiet—I don't like the feeling. I'm planning to move with only knights who have good mobility, just in case."

"..."

Julian, like Roxana, found it suspicious that nothing had happened on the prince's journey to the Empire. Once they passed the border region, the Empire became responsible for the prince's safety, so they'd been extremely vigilant, but nothing had happened during the nearly month-long journey to the capital.

'I understand, but isn't that a bit much?'

"If nothing happens, that's good."

"Well, thinking about the old days, I'm not sure we can say nothing happening is good, can we? Even if nothing does happen, at least it'll establish dominance—telling them not to try anything stupid in the Empire."

"..."

Having nothing to say to Roxana's point, Julian only gave a bitter smile. Roxana placed her hand on Julian's as if she'd brought up something unnecessary.

"You promised not to cry until it's all finished."

"...Right."

Currently, they were silently submitting to imperial authority, but the forces that had once controlled and shaken the Empire's real power still remained. Even if the imperial family and the ducal house lost power to future generations, establishing laws and foundations to keep the Empire from rotting was a long, long story.

'Honestly, I'm not really sure what "unwavering constancy" means.'

Still, he'd made a promise, and for the children's sake, he had to work hard without crying. Julian looked down at Thaleia to steel his resolve. She was smacking her little lips, eating something delicious in her dreams. Both Julian and Roxana smiled simultaneously at that innocent sight.

"Looking at her like this, she's still a baby, but yesterday really surprised me. I wondered if she was really such a good child, speaking so that His Imperial Highness wouldn't be hurt."

"Roxy, do you want Tilly to grow up to be a good child?"

"...I don't really want to divide children into good and bad. I just hope she'll have what's necessary to know what happiness and love are."

And Thaleia knew very well what that was. Not only that, she was a child who willingly shared with others even though she'd never been taught to. Roxana was looking at Thaleia with proud eyes when Julian suddenly cleared his throat.

"Roxy."

"Hm?"

"I decided something today."

"What?"

"From now on, I'm going to bury every guy who proposes to our goddess."

Realizing Julian was serious, Roxana clicked her tongue.

"This is why Tilly always gives you a hard time."

Today, too, the sun rose without fail. I lay between the sleeping Roxana and Julian, blinking slowly.

'I woke up too early.'

It was because I'd gone to sleep early yesterday with such a bad headache. I tried to pull the blanket from the foot of the bed back over me and go back to sleep, but my mind only grew clearer.

I looked back and forth between Roxana and Julian lying on either side of me. Being sandwiched between two people who would definitely smile at me if they opened their eyes felt like I'd swallowed bubbling foam.

It wasn't the first time I'd felt this strange feeling, but each time I felt repulsed and acted needlessly contrary.

But now I didn't want to be contrary anymore, and feeling bad about waking the sleeping pair, I quietly slipped out of bed.

Leaving the bedroom, I headed to the nursery, which wasn't far away. Since it was dawn with the sun just rising, the maid who cared for the baby at night seemed to be asleep in the adjacent room.

Surprisingly, Royna was awake without crying, looking at the mobile. A smile spread across Royna's face when she spotted me.

"Ma, Mama."

"..."

"Maa?"

When I just looked down at her, Royna rolled over and then sat up with a start.

"Oh."

Just two months ago she could barely manage to roll over, but now she could sit up by herself.

Since I'd barely looked at her for two months because of Asher, Royna had grown so much before I knew it. Sometimes I thought she was growing so slowly, other times so fast.

'Already half a year.'

Already half a year since Royna was born—I'd been avoiding her. Since she was a baby with a limited range of movement anyway, avoiding her didn't require much effort; I just had to not enter the nursery.

Occasionally the nanny or Julian brought me to this room, saying I needed to bond with my little sister, but otherwise I truly never gave her a glance.

"Uh! Mama!"

"No milk."

"Mama?"

Even when I said there was no milk, Royna kept reaching out as if demanding something. When I handed her a toy from the crib, Royna happily shook the toy.

"Royna, who did I come here to help?"

I could only ask because Royna was a baby who knew nothing. At my question, Royna tried to tilt her head as if puzzled but lost her balance and flopped down.

Sucking on the toy in her hand, her clear eyes looked directly at me.

"Are you happy that I'm your big sister?"

"Mama!"

I wasn't exactly sure what this baby was thinking, but I could tell she liked me.

In the end, I had no choice but to smile along with Royna. There was none of that previous repulsion. This peacefulness felt not so bad.

A book I'd read in my previous life said humans go through five stages in accepting their own death. Denial, anger, bargaining, depression, acceptance. Right now I seemed to be at the bargaining, or perhaps acceptance stage. I was too tired to keep pretending not to know, crying and throwing tantrums.

So I thought maybe it was okay to compromise now. As long as I had something to do here, and as long as I couldn't return, I had to compromise and live as Thaleia.

"Good morning, Royna."

"Daaa!"