IWBAACTWITOS Chapter 35

Rayan stared at the letter stamped with the Celis royal crest for a long time.

It was the first letter from his father since Rayan had come here.

'Liar.'

The letter said he loved him. Rayan, who had learned about love from Julian and Roxana, from Thaleia and Aegis, didn't believe those words. But what came after the declaration of love—that his mama in heaven would be sad if he was adopted into the ducal family—tormented Rayan.

Because of that, he couldn't show the letter to anyone.

Instead, he casually brought up his mother to Thaleia and Aegis, who understood him better than anyone. Neither of them said anything, which made it seem like the part about his mama in heaven being sad wasn't a lie.

'But I want to have a mama too.'

Not a mama in heaven, but a mama beside him who loved him.

Rayan wanted to call Julian "Papa" and Roxana "Mama." Just like Thaleia did.

Now that he was finally about to hold it in his hands, he didn't want to ruin it because of one letter saying his mama would be sad.

Rayan folded the letter, put it back in the envelope, and tucked it into the Cinderella storybook that Thaleia hated. He slid the book onto the lower shelf where it wouldn't stand out—perfectly hidden. He planned to get rid of the letter later, once he truly became a son of this house. Having successfully concealed it, Rayan stood up and brushed the dust off his hands with a few pats.

"Yan! Where are you!"

At Aegis's urgent voice calling for him, Rayan hurriedly grabbed a random storybook.

"I'm here."

"Where did you go?"

"To get a book."

At his explanation about getting a book, Aegis smiled brightly and said he'd read it to him. At those words, Rayan hugged the storybook tightly.

"I can read well now too!"

"Really? Then Yan can read it to me."

Though Aegis smiled, he quickly linked arms with Rayan as if hurrying to take him somewhere. Rayan felt puzzled by how Aegis had been strangely attentive since yesterday.

"Asher."

"Yeah?"

"Don't you need to be with Tilly?"

Until now, Rayan had occasionally given them space so Thaleia could favor Aegis specially. Aegis had said for a while now that wasn't necessary, and insisted Rayan always stay close to either Thaleia or himself.

"Why?"

"Tilly's leaving soon, so the three of us should be together. You'll miss her."

"Okay. I'll listen to what you say, big brother."

At Rayan's answer, Aegis's lips moved for a moment before he spoke.

"After we finish reading the storybook, do you want to draw?"

"...Huh? But we drew yesterday too."

"Yesterday, you only drew pictures of His Grace. So today, why don't you draw everything you like and give it to Her Excellency the Count as a gift?"

"...But."

"Even if you draw a picture for Her Excellency the Count, your mama will absolutely not dislike it."

"...Really?"

"Yeah. Our mama is a mama too, so I asked her, and she said she absolutely wouldn't dislike it."

Rayan, who had been half-doubting, was instantly won over by Charlotte's guarantee. At the words that she wouldn't dislike it, Rayan broke into a bright smile.

Althe, who had been writing a report, threw down his quill pen halfway through and tore at his hair. He didn't know what words to write in the report he was sending separately to the King of Celis.

He'd been asked to inform him about what kind of environment the ducal family provided, how the duke and his wife treated Rayan, and so on. Honestly, even in Althe's view, the ducal family was nothing but good for Rayan. The affection from Julian and Roxana was genuine too, not for show.

But when his report would obviously influence the king's decision, how could he write honestly?

Althe rose from his seat, opened the window, and lit a cigarette. As he inhaled the acrid tobacco smoke, his head felt clearer.

'A bystander...'

Thaleia's words from earlier in the day had been entirely correct.

Althe had been a bystander until now and wanted to remain a bystander in the future. The throne was just an empty title anyway—the real issue was actual power, and in his opinion, it was the same no matter which side gained the upper hand. Such power struggles had continued for a thousand years; this time they just stood out more prominently because the succession candidates happened to be half-brothers.

'Don't create excuses for the collaborators by making him into a victim. He was executed in the end because he beat Yan, wasn't he?'

Althe had written this in the executed tutor's judgment: Corporal punishment exceeding the level of discipline, violence against royalty—he should rightfully be charged with the crime of insulting royalty. Later, when discussing the severity of punishment with the other judges, when execution was brought up, he'd thought the man had crossed the line set by the queen.

'A line...'

The tutor had accidentally crossed an implicit line and been abandoned by the queen. Though it had nothing to do with him, he felt sympathy.

'What exactly is that line?'

As long as the abuse didn't become public. As long as it didn't drag in unrelated people and give them headaches. That line was drawn around Rayan by the bystanders.

'And one more thing—should I tell you? The Queen of Celis ordered them to watch Rayan, but she never ordered abuse.'

He didn't believe Thaleia's last words, but they brought him both guilt and realization. Strength and weakness were relative. And he shouldn't defend the collaborators just because they were weak.

Althe ground out his cigarette in the ashtray and sat back down. Then he rewrote the report to send to the king. At first he'd tried to write only the most objective parts, but having changed his mind, Althe meticulously answered even minor concerns about Rayan.

That he ate well, that his favorite toy was a rabbit doll, that he studied hard and could now read quite well. His rigid handwriting, reflecting his personality, conveyed Althe's heart in the report's final sentence.

「If you think only of His Highness, I judge that sending him for adoption would be the best choice.」

"Mama. Mama."

Taking the bottle Roxana held, Royna flopped down spreadeagle in the center of the bed as if it were natural, then patted both sides of herself. Yan and I lay down on either side of Royna, and then Julian and Roxana took their places beside us. Only then did Royna start sucking on her bottle.

'This really does feel like one family.'

When I turned over, I could see Royna sucking on her bottle with her eyes closed, and Yan patting her. Yan's eyes met mine, and he showed me a pretty eye-smile.

'A childhood two-shot of the male lead and female lead—is there anything more precious than this scene?'

I was sad there was no camera. If there had been a camera, I would have photographed not just this moment, but every happiest time in Rayan's life.

As Rayan and I just looked at each other with Royna between us, Roxana told us it was time to close our eyes.

"You both have to wake up early tomorrow, so you need to sleep early."

"...I wish tomorrow wouldn't come."

At Yan's words, Roxana stroked Rayan's black hair. Tomorrow morning we would leave for the Holy Land, and Rayan had to go to the Imperial Palace.

"If you sleep for a hundred nights, we can meet again, Your Highness."

"...A hundred nights is too long."

"A hundred nights will pass quickly."

Roxana's voice was filled with fluffy affection, making it feel like clouds. The clouds in the sky that Rayan loved so much. Clouds you could never catch.

If I kept watching Roxana and Rayan, I felt like I'd burst into tears, so I squeezed my eyes shut. Then Yan called me in a regretful voice.

"Tilly, are you sleepy?"

"...Yeah."

"Good night."

"...Yeah."

I kept my eyes closed for a long time. But sleep didn't come.

While I stayed still pretending to sleep, after Royna and Yan fell asleep, I heard Julian and Roxana whispering softly.

"I hope he won't be too lonely while we're gone."

"Still, since Mia decided to follow him to the Imperial Palace, he'll be okay. And either way, we have to meet the Prophetess once."

"...Right. We need to come back as quickly as possible and finalize the adoption. When we return, we'll be a family of five instead of four. I thought it would take a few more months, but it progressed faster than expected."

"Still, the King of Celis hasn't accepted the adoption yet."

"We'll keep knocking until he accepts it. But if it's the Katan I know, he'll definitely accept."

"...Yuri."

"What, Roxy?"

"How did you come to think about adopting Rayan?"

"...Well, there are various reasons, but the decisive one was because Tilly called Rayan her big brother."

"Did she do that?"

"Yeah. Tilly was the first to accept Rayan as family."

"...For sure, if it weren't for Tilly, I wouldn't have suggested bringing Rayan to the ducal mansion. Then you might not have suggested adopting Rayan either."

"She really is our goddess."

Roxana's low laughter rang out. I clenched both fists tight and gritted my teeth.

Roxana and Julian talked about various other things after that before falling asleep. After confirming the two were completely asleep, I opened the eyes I'd kept squeezed shut for so long. Watching my family in the darkness, I slipped out of the bedroom.

Walking barefoot down the empty corridor, I cried without sound.

Not just Rayan, but Roxana and Julian were both looking forward so much to becoming family.

'It was because of me.'

That Rayan came to the ducal mansion instead of the Imperial Palace, and that Roxana and Julian came to think about adopting Rayan. I was the catalyst for everything. But we couldn't become family.

When the Prophetess gave the prophecy that the evil spirit would return, adoption would be impossible. They couldn't send a potential heir who might awaken abilities to another family. Renouncing succession rights would also be impossible.

The greater the hope, the greater the despair.

'I don't want to send him back.'

To emphasize the character's tragic nature, I had deliberately taught Rayan about happiness.

From beginning to end, I had been a cruel god to Yan.

'And one more thing—even without divine power, fate can be twisted by your actions. Some things have already changed, and those things might make life harder. So always be careful, Mir. Humans always do unexpected things.'

Why did I think his words were just a warning?

Until Roxana noticed I was gone and came looking for me, I sat collapsed in the darkness, crying without sound.