IWBAACTWITOS Chapter 9

Eyes the exact same sky-blue as Asher's were filled with curiosity as they studied me.

The emperor uncle I was meeting for the first time observed me with an overwhelming gaze. When I scrunched up my face, Philius let out an exclamation, saying I made the exact same expression as Julian.

"It's amazing that you're cute when you look just like Julian."

"What's so special about me, Your Majesty?"

"Speak comfortably. We're meeting as family to family anyway."

"Roxy and Tilly said I'm cute, Rus."

"What am I supposed to do about the fact that you're not cute in my eyes?"

Julian and Philius glared at each other. I took my eyes off the garden flowers and watched the two men engaging in their pointless battle of nerves.

'Ugh, did I set up their relationship like this for no reason?'

Before long, various desserts and tea were placed on the table. What arrived in front of me was cold milk, exactly the same as Aegis's.

Normally I would've drunk it without a second thought, but after seeing Philius and Julian's drinks, any desire to drink something like milk flew far, far away.

That familiar aroma and black liquid I'd drawn even in my dreams—it was coffee, the first I'd seen since coming to this world.

'Coffee.'

The scientific community designated carbohydrates, protein, and fat as the three essential nutrients, but for me it was different. My three essential nutrients were carbohydrates, alcohol, and caffeine!

When my gaze followed the coffee sliding down Julian's throat, Julian, who'd been tilting his teacup, smiled broadly.

"Curious what Daddy's drinking?"

"Yeah."

"This is called coffee. It's mainly drunk in the southern regions."

"Give Tilly coffee too."

"Tilly can't have it yet."

I almost clicked my tongue unconsciously, but remembering the eyes watching me, I clamped my mouth shut.

The snack on the plate happened to be a donut too. After confirming the coffee, I remembered my past self who used to shout that donuts with milk were heresy.

Setting aside alcohol, couldn't I at least have one sip of coffee?

In my past life when I was little, I'd pestered my mom into letting me sip leftover coffee. Back then I drank it for the sweetness of M*X coffee, but after growing up I became someone who only drank americanos.

Though I'd been the type to drink iced coffee even in freezing weather, right now I could drink hot coffee. Anyway, I genuinely wanted coffee.

"Just one sip, please."

When I grabbed Julian's arm and wheedled in a sweet voice, Julian seemed to hesitate for a moment, but quickly tucked his tail at Roxana's look and shook his head.

"No. Let's have Tilly drink milk."

Having failed to persuade Julian, I whipped my head away. Finding my appearance cute, Philius chuckled and offered me his coffee.

"Your Majesty."

At Roxana's reproachful call, Philius gauged her reaction before making his excuse.

"About one sip should be fine, shouldn't it? It's not bad to taste life's bitterness early."

Philius, who'd looked pathetic just moments ago, now looked like such a magnificent His Imperial Majesty.

Roxana narrowed her eyes at Philius, then smiled at my sparkling eyes and nodded. With Roxana's permission, I took one sip of coffee and was overwhelmed with emotion.

This is it. This is the one.

Right now it was just one sip, but someday I'd fill it with tons of ice to increase the volume, then gulp it all down at once. I returned the cup to Philius with tears in my eyes.

"Isn't it bitter?"

"It's delicious."

Philius and Roxana must have expected me to scrunch up my face at the bitter taste the moment I touched the coffee, because they asked about the coffee's taste as I savored it happily.

"Most people don't like it, but you're quite unusual."

"Tilly eats everything well."

When Julian spoke as if boasting, Roxana sighed and pointed out Julian's fault.

"Yuri, eating everything indiscriminately is also a problem. Did you forget how she tried to secretly take out the liquor from the display cabinet the other day?"

...I'd actually tried to eat the alcohol too. Like in an anime I'd seen as a child, before opening the cabinet door I clasped my hands together and prayed. 'Lord, please allow me to become a drunk thief.' But apparently I could be a righteous thief but not a drunk thief. Tch.

After that, all my lovely liquors in the display cabinet disappeared. I pretended to be absorbed in my donut, subtly avoiding Roxana's gaze. The imperial couple looked quite shocked at the mention that I'd tried to eat liquor.

"A little troublemaker young lady. I see the makings of someone who'll do great things."

Philius looked down at me, laughing as if delighted. I didn't know why trying to steal alcohol connected to the makings of doing great things, but whatever—good things were good things. When I ate my donut deliciously going nom nom, Asher offered me his donut.

After I'd stolen his snacks a few times, he started giving me snacks on his own now. I'd meant to bully Asher, but Asher seemed to enjoy watching me eat. I broke Asher's donut cleanly in half, shoved one half into his mouth, and ate the other half.

The half donut disappeared quickly and Asher gulped down his milk. When milk turned Asher's lips white, I scrubbed his mouth with a handkerchief. At our appearance, the adults smiled broadly.

I really hate this kind of atmosphere.

"Want to go play?"

"Yes, lets go play."

I got down from my chair and held out my hand to Asher. Asher stared at my face, then grabbed my hand while smiling.

Now what should I do?

I couldn't stand that warm and fuzzy atmosphere of being treated like a little kid together with Asher and had made up an appropriate excuse to leave, but there was no way I could actually play with Asher. I'd cut off the conversation that way last time. Besides, today a maid was even following behind us. When I just walked aimlessly holding Asher's hand, he called out to stop me.

"Hey, you know."

"What?"

"You want to eat coffee?"

"...Yeah."

"I'll give you coffee."

At the word coffee, my eyes went round. At my reaction, Asher smiled and led me along. The basement storage where I followed Asher kept wine and ingredients, and there were coffee beans too. Asher grabbed a handful of coffee beans and held them out to me.

"Here, coffee."

What am I supposed to do with this?

When I spread both hands to receive the coffee beans, Asher smiled brightly and looked at me with expectant eyes. I stared at Asher while holding the coffee beans in my hands. The maid who'd been following quietly without stopping me also seemed troubled about what to do with this. After quite some time passed, Asher seemed to sense something was strange and asked while tilting his head.

"Why aren't you eating it? Coffee is made from this. So try eating it."

So Asher had thought I'd chew and eat the coffee beans raw. Asher didn't know that coffee was very bitter, and coffee beans were even more bitter than that. I laughed because it was so absurd. When I only laughed, Asher picked up one of the coffee beans on my hand and put it in his mouth. Feeling the tremendous bitter taste, Asher hurriedly spat out the coffee bean.

"What is this?"

"So why'd you eat that, dummy."

'So why'd you eat that, dummy.'

When a voice full of mischief surfaced, crying Asher's face momentarily overlapped with someone else's.

That someone didn't look pretty like Asher. He was an extremely ugly guy. And the one making a crying face at the terrible bitter taste wasn't that someone but me.

Though I hadn't eaten the coffee beans, the terrible bitter taste from the memory, bitter enough to make my tongue sting, swirled in my mouth.

"Why'd you eat that."

The coffee beans on my hand spilled to the floor and scattered everywhere. Together with the coffee beans, the memories I'd been holding tightly scattered and pounded me from all sides.

Memories of the past had surfaced occasionally before, but they'd never been this intense. I couldn't tell what expression I was making now.

That naive childhood period—remembering my mom's son who'd fed me M*X straight, saying it was delicious mixed with warm water so it'd be even more delicious eaten plain, made me angrier.

The image of my mom's son who bullied me when I was little changed to my brother holding my hand, forcibly swallowing tears and saying it would definitely be okay, at the moment I died.

Starting with that, the panorama I'd seen before dying and the emotions I'd been suppressing began bursting out one by one.

"T-Tilly."

When I just stood there blankly with my palm spread open, Asher grabbed my hand and called me. I almost shook off Asher's hand in that instant, but barely held back and spat out words to escape from this place.

"I wanna go."

"Where?"

"Home."

"..."

"I'm going home."

"We're supposed to eat dinner together today, so you can't go home right now."

At the words that I couldn't go home, I finally shook off Asher's hand. I knew perfectly well that I couldn't go home. Because I'd died while holding my brother's hand.

But hearing those words made it impossible to bear. I knew perfectly well it wasn't something to get angry at Asher about, but I had to shout at someone, anyone.

"I'm going home! I said I'm going home!"

"Tilly."

I swung the rabbit doll I was holding at Asher. Though it was just a doll, when I hit him wildly, Asher flinched in surprise. The startled maid stopped me, and I dropped the doll I was holding to the floor.

I knew I was taking out my anger on an innocent child who knew nothing, but I could only think about my own sadness and pain. I sank down right there and cried out loud.

"Heu, waaaah!"

I'd endured well until now, but to realize from mere coffee beans that this wasn't where I belonged. It was so unfair, too unfair. I should've at least been born as a villainess from the countless romance novels I'd read, or as an extra.

Why was I born as a character who didn't even exist, in the novel I'd written, of all things? No matter how much I tried to attach affection to this place, in the end I could only think that everything was merely what I'd created.

The terror I'd felt at the moment of death, the sadness I'd endured until now, and the despair that I couldn't return home strangled my throat. When my breath caught painfully, I desperately called for someone.

"Heu, Mom."

Maybe I was just dreaming after all—that thought kept coming, only that thought. I'd left everything there. Literally everything.

My dreams, my friends, my boyfriend, my family. Everything. All of me as a human being.

I wanted to open my eyes to find myself in a hospital, to hear my mom cursing me out through tears for being an unfilial wretch who almost died before her parents. Even if not that, even if that was impossible.

Just once, really just once would be fine—I wanted to see my mom.