LADAD Chapter 19

If this was how things were going to turn out anyway, she shouldn't have gotten Ivan involved.

Amelia thought this as she smiled faintly. Ever since Ivan died in the fire, she had thought this every single moment. That's why she couldn't even cry properly. The fact that she was shedding tears in mourning for someone she had essentially killed seemed laughable. To Ivan, those tears would be nothing more than crocodile tears.

"......"

She should have just accepted from the beginning that this was her fate. If she had, she could have suffered and hurt alone until she died.

Amelia bit down hard on her lower lip, then let the tension go. She rose from where she sat and walked toward the man who knelt on the floor. Even when Amelia's hand touched the cloth that covered his face, he didn't so much as flinch. He was just as steeped in learned helplessness as Amelia herself.

"Both of you are in pitiful circumstances."

Just as she was about to remove the cloth covering his head, the knight who still hadn't left grabbed Amelia's wrist.

"Why?"

Amelia's voice was filled with confusion. The knight, his face hidden by his helmet, completely pulled Amelia's hand away from the cloth, then lifted the helmet from his own head.

Unable to understand the knight's sudden action, Amelia just blinked blankly.

"......"

Starting from his sharp jawline, the knight's face was slowly revealed. The dim firelight touched his face, leaving shadows along every contour like his high nose bridge.

"...Ivan?"

And finally, when the helmet was completely removed, golden hair as brilliant as the sun caught the light and sparkled. Even under the weak light created by just a few candles, it looked that way.

"Is it Ivan?"

Was she going mad and seeing things?

Amelia called his name with a trembling voice and took a step forward. From close enough that their bodies could touch, she reached out toward Ivan's face.

"That's right."

The moment her hand touched his face, feeling the warm body temperature, Ivan opened his lips and answered.

"You were ali-, alive..."

Amelia's hand trembled violently before she could even finish her words. Ivan quietly grasped the hand that was shaking helplessly over his face. When he held her hand firmly, relief washed over her like a wave.

You didn't die. You were alive.

Except for the day Louise blamed her for killing Ivan, she couldn't even cry freely. She deliberately killed her emotions and suppressed her heart.

'Don't cry, you don't have the right.'

"I thought you were dead..."

But you were safely alive like this. I didn't kill you.

The moment she realized this fact, joy as painful as a tsunami crashed over her. Her face contorted helplessly and tears burst forth.

"I didn't die. I'm right here."

Ivan pressed his forehead against Amelia's and whispered softly. As if trying to share his body temperature to help her find stability, he held her still-trembling body in his arms and comforted her.

"Thank goodness. Really, thank goodness..."

Amelia traced Ivan's face with both hands while crying and laughing. Even though her vision was blurry from the endless tears and she couldn't see his face clearly, having his presence right before her eyes made her feel incredibly relieved, almost to the point of madness.

"Wh-, why did you come here?"

However, the relief was only momentary. Amelia's face instantly turned pale.

"If they find out you're here, then you'll really die."

If Ivan's existence was discovered, Aaron wouldn't leave Ivan alone. Even if Ivan had already entered eternal rest, Aaron was the type who would drag a corpse from its grave and defile it.

"Hurry and run away."

Amelia's body, imagining the worst-case scenario, was trembling like an aspen tree.

"You can't die, you can't die. Okay?"

"I told you to come with me."

"I can't go. I, I can't go."

Amelia grabbed both of Ivan's arms and shook her head vigorously.

"If I run away, everyone will chase me."

"......"

"Aaron will find me at all costs, and he'll, he'll kill you."

No one could kill Amelia. The divine maiden was the sole existence holding this place together. Because they had controlled the number of those who knew the secret, insisting that few should know, there was no one who could take her place either.

But Ivan was different. He was just a commoner. Even if he quietly disappeared and died, even if his family searched for him crying and wailing, there would be no one to help them search. That's how he would die and disappear.

"I can't watch you die because of me."

Amelia shook her head frantically while crying. She didn't want to hear news of Ivan's death again. That feeling of her body and soul falling into an abyss, never again.

"Then you'll sleep with that man?"

Suddenly, a chilling voice pierced her ears. It was then that Amelia, who had been caught up in terrible fear and violent excitement, unable to think properly, came to an abrupt stop.

"......"

Amelia slowly raised her head. Her vision was still blurry, so she couldn't see Ivan's expression clearly.

"I asked if you'll spend the night with that man for your descendants, Amelia Escliffe."

Ivan reached out and casually wiped Amelia's eyes with his thumb. In just a couple of strokes, her vision became clear. Only then could she see Ivan staring at her with an expressionless face and the man with a sack over his head, flinching.

"That's..."

Amelia hesitated with her answer. Until she thought Ivan was dead, she had thought it didn't matter who it was, and it didn't matter what happened to her. But after learning he was alive, it was different.

Suddenly, the man's shoulders trembled noticeably. As if he could feel Ivan's cold gaze that had returned to him.

"I..."

Actually, if there was to be a man who would have her, she had wished it would be Ivan. Every time she thought of Ivan's death, every time she thought of her feelings that came too late, she had cherished such a hope.

"I'm..."

"What I can't handle is hearing news of your death."

"......"

"I can't do it twice."

But she didn't want to experience the guilt of killing someone or the sense of loss ever again. Amelia hung her head low. Ivan's solid chest touched her forehead.

"What do you want to do?"

Ivan suddenly asked in an irritated voice. For him, who had risked his life to come here just to keep his promise to take her away, Amelia's answer couldn't be satisfactory.

"I won't beg you to take me and run away like last time. Please forget that wish."

Ivan laughed shortly as if finding it absurd.

"Just."

"......"

"Give me this night."

But in the very next moment, Amelia made a different wish to him. Surprise faintly colored Ivan's gem-like eyes.

"Just for this night, let me not be held in another person's arms."

Just for the first time. That was Amelia's only current wish. She couldn't push Ivan into mortal danger, but she couldn't completely give up either.

"Is that all you want?"

"Yes."

Ivan asked. Amelia hoped her face looked natural right now and forced the corners of her mouth up into a smile.

"......"

That stubbornly forced smile. Ivan stared at Amelia's face like that for a while, then let out a low sigh.

"Fine."

And he answered. It was a surprisingly ready response that surprised Amelia.

"However, I'm not fond of having an audience."

Ivan removed the cloth covering the head of the man still kneeling beside them. And while the man couldn't even open his eyes due to the sudden light, Ivan placed the helmet he had been holding over his head.

"Take off the clothes you're wearing too."

And he spoke in a voice that sounded anything but gentle, like a threat. The black-haired man untied the strings at his shirt front with trembling hands and stripped off his clothes. Then Ivan too cast off his armor and the clothes he wore beneath.

"...!"

Startled, Amelia quickly turned to face away from him. Ivan laughed, making a deflating sound as if he found this amusing. Since it was Amelia who had first asked him for this night, it was indeed funny for her to be surprised by something like him taking off his shirt.

"Go outside like this."

"O-outside, where to..."

"If you have a head attached, you should know anywhere that's not inside here, right?"

Ivan replied dully. His attitude was quite different from when he answered Amelia.

"Go outside the west gate."

Ivan commanded coldly. With an aura so clear it was like a ruler's command, while Amelia was startled, the man in Ivan's clothing nodded several times awkwardly before hurriedly leaving the bedroom.

"......"

The door closed and only Ivan and Amelia remained. Amelia didn't know what to do with herself under Ivan's steady gaze and just fidgeted with her clenched hands.

"Wait a moment."

"Why?"

Amelia, who had been avoiding Ivan's gaze by even hanging her head, suddenly looked up.

"If that man goes out dressed as a knight, how will you get out later?"

And she grabbed Ivan and asked.

"I wonder."

"I should catch him right now."

When Ivan answered dismissively, Amelia hurriedly stepped forward as if she would chase down the black-haired man disguised as a knight right then and there.

"What if we get caught red-handed in the middle of the corridor?"

What could she possibly say to a knight who was departing after completing his duties? Ivan's question struck precisely at the weakness in her plan.

"But..."

Amelia looked up at Ivan with eyes that were welling up with tears again and murmured.

"Forget about everything else."

Ivan's large hand gently cupped Amelia's right cheek.

"All we have left is this night."

And he slowly lowered his head.