LADAD Chapter 35

The kiss stretched on helplessly. It was because Amelia, having recognized who the reckless intruder was, wrapped her arms around his neck and drew him to herself. Their two bodies moved like dancers, entangled as one. Their movement ceased only when Amelia's legs caught against the bed and they spilled onto it.

The lips that had been persistently devouring each other separated, and foreheads touched. Amelia gazed intently at the deeper green light before reaching out her hand. Ivan, who had been bracing his waist and arms against the bed to avoid resting his full weight on Amelia, unhesitatingly nuzzled his cheek against Amelia's tender palm.

"Ivan."

Amelia whispered his name like a secret. Ivan didn't respond. But the gaze pouring over his face whispered silently that he was listening.

"......"

But no words would come. She was confused. Where should she begin, and where should she end? There were so many things she had wanted to ask Ivan when she met him that they all seemed tangled up in her throat.

"...I missed you."

So that was all she could manage to say. Overwhelming emotions surged up, and Amelia unconsciously bit down on her lip.

"I know."

Ivan answered. It was a brief response, but it didn't seem like he was just making something up without knowing what she meant. His words carried clear conviction.

"Why didn't you come back to find me?"

Amelia asked like a reproach.

"Why did you let me live thinking you were dead..."

It was because the painful moments when she thought Ivan was dead came flooding back.

'I should have disappeared quietly, existing and yet not existing, but I dragged you in and got you killed too. If only I had recognized this feeling a little sooner, if only I had whispered it first instead of hiding it when I sensed the end coming.'

I like you. I love you.

After giving birth to Ian, the words she couldn't say to Ivan had pierced her throat like thorns countless times.

"I was so sure you were definitely dead. That I would never, never be able to see you like this again..."

Transparent tears began flowing down Amelia's temples. Her face, which didn't hide her sorrow, looked fragile and pitiful. It was only a year's time, but her childlike appearance had completely vanished. Whether it was due to the passage of time or emotional suffering, Ivan had no way of knowing.

"It became difficult to enter the temple again after that."

"......"

"Any priest who showed even the slightest irregular behavior was stripped of their position and expelled, so borrowing their identification badges became impossible."

Ivan explained step by step. There was nothing in his words that could be criticized.

"And the reason I went to the temple hiding my identity..."

Ivan paused briefly. As expected, Ivan was not unaware. He knew everything Amelia was curious about regarding him.

Why he had approached her with deception, why he had spent the night with her, why he hadn't come back to find her, and why he had suddenly come to the temple to take Ian away.

"It was to find the temple's weaknesses."

His pale, shining eyes looked directly into Amelia's dark pupils. He seemed to want to read her reaction upon hearing those words.

"I hate the temple. I hated the sacred maidens even more."

"...Why, why?"

Ivan continued speaking without looking away. Amelia found herself stammering and unconsciously grasping Ivan's firm arm beside her head.

"The temple has been in conflict with the imperial family by exploiting the existence of sacred maidens. They claimed that an immortal being who serves as God's representative supports the will of the great nobles."

Ivan whispered. For Amelia, this was the first time hearing such a story. She and all the other Amelias had simply received 'orders' and 'carried them out.' Even those orders came in fragmented forms, so they didn't even know what they meant.

"So that first day we met, I had gone there to kill you."

Her heart plummeted. Amelia's breathing became unsteady and ragged, and her chest began to rise and fall irregularly. She became anxious that Ivan might still think of her that way.

"I thought I could find out if you were truly immortal by stabbing a knife into your heart."

Despite saying such things, Ivan's face was expressionless. Amelia began to feel genuine, faint terror.

"......"

Ivan's gaze turned to the small hand that was gripping his wrist and beginning to tremble.

"But seeing how we are now, you can tell I couldn't do it."

That was the same as saying he couldn't do it now either. Ivan's low voice was like a key that broke a curse. The taut tension that had been flowing down Amelia's nape and shoulders vanished all at once.

"Why?"

"I suppose I knew this would happen."

Ivan answered. His voice sounded somewhat self-deprecating. That voice completely resolved all of Amelia's doubts.

"So that's why."

It was because of the feelings Ivan harbored toward her. Nothing else could explain the irrationality of all their actions.

"That's why you took Ian too, our child. Isn't that right?"

Amelia asked with tears welling in her eyes. In truth, the answer didn't matter. The expected response was already set in Amelia's mind. Even if he had given any other answer, she would have heard it that way regardless.

"...Yes."

Ivan answered one beat late. However, for Amelia, that alone was enough of an answer. Ivan affectionately rubbed their still-touching foreheads together. Amelia smiled, unable to hide her sense of relief.

"I believed in you."

"......"

"Louise told me that the Emperor hates me, so you would hate me too. She said you probably took Ian just to use him, but I believed that couldn't be true."

She was simply happy. That her expectations and faith in Ivan weren't unfounded fantasies. That was all a young lady who hadn't met many people and lacked the eye to properly judge those who approached her could think of.

"I thought it was right to wait until you told me yourself. Because all the stories I heard from people other than you were wrong."

Amelia said through her tears. She had heard news of Ivan's death from Aaron twice, but none of it had been true. Ivan was perfectly alive and right before her eyes.

"I'll help you escape from the temple soon too. Just pretend not to know anything until I ask for your help. It won't take very long."

"However long, whatever you want, I'll do as you wish."

And the foundation of all his inexplicable actions was his intention to help Amelia escape from the temple.

"I like you."

The moment she realized this fact again, Amelia couldn't overcome her intense emotions and poured out her heart. The affection that had accumulated in her chest because she couldn't convey it before.

"Ivan, you are my salvation."

"......"

"I love you."

The moment Amelia completely revealed her sincere heart without a single lie, Ivan quietly smiled. It clearly wasn't a rejection, but it was ambiguous as a response to her feelings.

However, Ivan lowered his head. It happened before Amelia could urge him for an answer.

"What are you doing?"

"......"

"Ivan. Wait a moment."

Amelia let out a small laugh. The kisses that had been like pecking gradually deepened quietly. Amelia became lost in the gentle and tender kisses that followed.

Twenty-one. An age when you don't know that the body can go where the heart cannot.

'I don't think I was like that even then.' Ivan thought as he absentmindedly twirled Amelia's hair around his fingers while she slept with her head buried in the cushion. Her smooth shoulder, revealed where her clothing had slipped down from their many kisses, gleamed in the moonlight, but no particular lust stirred in him.

He had a head on his shoulders and was a human capable of thinking rationally. He wasn't shameless enough to spread the legs of a woman who had given birth barely three months or so ago.

"......"

'But I do lack conscience.'

Ivan admitted that he was a man shameless enough to use the woman who had borne his child. And he blinked as he mulled over the half-truths and half-lies he had told Amelia.

"It became difficult to enter the temple again after that."

That had been a lie. Of course, a large number of priests who had crossed the line of propriety had been stripped of their positions. There was no way to obtain identification badges again.

However, the temple, which already believed the novice priest 'Ricky' was dead, didn't particularly strengthen security. Amelia had also fallen into lethargy and wasn't doing anything conspicuous. Ivan hadn't met with Amelia simply because he hadn't gone.

"Because there was a need to do so..."

After hearing news of Ivan's death, the guilt that would settle in Amelia's heart as time passed. And the affection toward the only person who had extended a hand to her.

So Ivan waited for those despairing emotions to ripen tastily into the form of love with a tragic ending. Because that would cover the suspicions about the suspicious incidents that had occurred around Amelia.

"I thought it was right to wait until you told me. Because all the stories I heard from people other than you were wrong."

Recalling Amelia's words about waiting to hear his explanation even after listening to other people's words, Ivan was certain. Amelia's blind heart would not be able to abandon him. She wouldn't want to lose him again. She couldn't turn away from Ian, whom she had brought into the world.

So what Ivan held in his grasp. He and his child were the most powerful weapons that could wield Amelia.