LADAD Chapter 9

Of course, she knew it was too early to feel this way. This was only their third meeting. Even combining all the time they'd spent together, it didn't add up to half a day. Yet knowing this, Amelia was certain of what to call the emotion she felt.

"Ivan."

Ivan was the finest person Amelia had ever encountered in her life. Amelia's world had been far too small and confined, so someone like Ivan was entirely new to her.

"I like you."

At Amelia's casually thrown words, Ivan's eyes curved as he smiled.

"I'm honored."

He said it was an honor, but his demeanor showed no such feeling. It was more like watching something small and adorable come close and rub against him. Put simply, he was treating her about as well as a cat.

"Have a drink."

Ivan nodded toward the bottle. Amelia gripped it with both hands and lifted her arms with resolve. The bottle's mouth tilted to her lips.

"...!"

Amelia's eyes went wide as she boldly opened her throat and drank the liquor like it was water. Her face crumpled like crumpled paper as she spat out nearly everything she'd swallowed.

"This..."

Amelia couldn't even speak properly as she pointed at the bottle in her right hand.

"Why does this taste like this?"

She whispered in complete bewilderment. She obviously wanted to cry out, but held herself back since loud sounds weren't allowed. From her expression alone, this seemed to be the most awful taste Amelia had ever encountered in her life.

"What's it taste like?"

"Bitter, and it makes my tongue go numb."

Amelia mumbled her answer and poked out her red tongue just a little. The red tongue looked tender.

"Why do people drink this stuff?"

Amelia asked as though she truly couldn't comprehend it. Ivan wasn't much of a drinker himself, but he'd never heard such an innocent question before. He found himself laughing despite everything.

"Haha."

Amelia sat next to Ivan and leaned her face against her knees. Then she stared as if mesmerized at Ivan's face as he laughed in delight. Even in the dim prayer room with no candles lit, his form alone showed clearly in the moonlight. Ivan was an obvious beauty. This was the most definite of the handful of certainties Amelia had ever felt in her life.

"..."

Was that why she found him even more appealing? Just as Amelia was having this thought, Ivan seemed to sense the intense gaze fixed on him and slowly stopped laughing to meet her eyes. A trace of laughter still clung to the corners of his eyes.

"They say it makes you feel good when you drink it. Even if the taste is like that."

At Ivan's answer, Amelia frowned as if she couldn't understand and shook her head.

"Is that possible?"

"That's what they say, so I suppose it must be true."

Ivan gently took the bottle from Amelia's hands with fluid movements. Then he brought it to his lips and tilted it back. Amelia watched the amber liquid slide down the bottle's neck before disappearing into his mouth.

"Actually, I don't really know the taste yet either."

Ivan's eyes met Amelia's round eyes as he roughly wiped away a trickle of liquid that had flowed down his lips with his hand.

"Didn't you say you go to taverns often?"

"I never said I go often."

It must have seemed strange for someone who said he'd been to taverns to claim he didn't know the taste. But Ivan really didn't enjoy drinking. He enjoyed cigars even less.

"How can you think such things when you're not even drunk?"

Of course, Rodan found Ivan's baffling decision all the more horrifying precisely because these were the words and actions of a sober mind.

"Are you going to quit being a priest?"

It was when he was casually shaking his slightly wet hand in the air. Amelia asked.

"I suppose so."

Ivan's response came swiftly. A country's emperor could hardly keep doing priest's work. Especially when that priest served the very god he loathed most and his representative.

"...I see."

Though he'd never really been a priest to start with. Ivan studied Amelia's face closely as she gave her vague reply. It was an oddly complicated expression.

"Do you want to leave here too?"

Something like envy, perhaps.

Ivan opened his mouth as if testing the waters. As if it had no special meaning, stealing glances at Amelia from the corner of his eye.

"Hmm..."

Amelia hesitated to answer. She was troubled about whether she could speak honestly. However, Ivan, who interpreted her hesitation differently, chuckled.

"Ah, that's right."

"..."

"You're bound here until death."

Amelia's body jerked at Ivan's words.

"Until the day God kills me, my soul belongs only to this land."

That was the first sacred maiden's oath. She had no idea why such words were ever spoken, but because of that oath, Amelia's mother, grandmother, and all the generations before them had been chained to this place.

"I'm thinking of working for the imperial court when I leave here."

Amelia was only briefly relieved that Ivan didn't ask why such an oath had been made. Ivan's quietly uttered words made Amelia cock her head in puzzlement.

"The imperial family?"

Since he was the emperor, working for the imperial family was natural. However, for Amelia, who didn't know this, it was puzzling.

"Because they pay the most money."

Ivan replied cheekily.

"Unlike what you're against, the emperor doesn't seem like such a bad person."

And he nonchalantly added that the emperor didn't seem like a bad person. Ivan was quite accomplished at treating himself as a third party.

"I'm not against the emperor."

Amelia said this as if it were the first time she'd heard such a thing. In truth, Amelia harbored no animosity whatsoever toward the Escliffe imperial house.

"But you oppose everything the imperial house tries to do."

"That's..."

It wasn't her doing. Amelia had only come to this position a year ago, after her mother's death. What's more, she was certain that even that hadn't been her mother's will.

"Everyone thinks relations between the sacred maiden and the imperial house aren't good. Isn't that so?"

"It's not like that."

Amelia denied it. Those who held the sacred maiden position had never crossed beyond this wall by their own choice. There was no cause to feel rejection or hostility toward the imperial house.

"Then what? Was what the emperor was trying to do truly wrong?"

Her head suddenly felt light.

"Just. I only follow the will."

The answer spilled out without going through her mind. Amelia blinked her burning eyes. Though only a few drops had touched her tongue, she felt as though she were getting drunk from the liquor she'd poured into her mouth for the first time in her life.

"Ah, so that's it."

"..."

"Interesting."

Ivan muttered as he set down the bottle in his hand. Soon he was chuckling to himself. Though his face didn't look especially entertained.

"Ivan."

A face that looked disagreeable even while laughing. Amelia reached toward Ivan's face with a concerned expression. His skin was surely fine too, but it felt different from Amelia's. It was smooth rather than soft.

"Why do you have that expression?"

"What kind of expression?"

"You look displeased."

Ivan blinked silently. As if being seen through wasn't particularly pleasant for him.

"It's late, so it would be better to head back now."

After pushing away Amelia's hand and getting up from his seat, Ivan advised.

"Why are you angry?"

Amelia gazed up at Ivan with innocent eyes and asked. Ivan felt his words catch in his throat. A mere apprentice priest had no reason to take offense at Amelia's words. It was only because he was the emperor. But there was no way he could reveal that truth.

"I'm not angry."

"That's a lie."

Amelia spoke as if pouting.

"What did I do wrong? Can't you tell me?"

And she hung on him with something like pleading. Oddly enough, clinging to Ivan didn't feel particularly shameful. It didn't wound her pride either. Perhaps that was because Ivan didn't ridicule such behavior.

"I'm afraid you'll get angry and never come again."

Ivan gazed down at the small hand clutching his sleeve. Then he released a quiet sigh. He detested bothersome things above all.

Ivan extended his hand to brush away Amelia's grip. The moment his fingertips made contact with her soft hand...

"I, I'm afraid of dogs!"

Amelia suddenly mentioned her fear of dogs out of nowhere. So what? Ivan raised one eyebrow crookedly as if asking what he was supposed to do about it.

"Whenever I encounter a dog, my body freezes and my feet won't move. This is a real secret, and you're the first person I've told."

"..."

"So won't you stop being angry?"

Amelia gave the hand gripping Ivan's sleeve a little shake. It was the wheedling behavior of a child. Like this, the Amelia before Ivan seemed strangely childish for someone who'd supposedly lived 200 years.

Well, that's probably how she'd come to like him. Whether what she felt was friendship or romantic attraction, Amelia's emotions toward him were special. The shrewd man had quickly picked up on those feelings.

"...Alright."

Amelia beamed with joy at finally getting the answer she wanted. Her face showed no sign that she understood the danger of handing over two of her weaknesses.

Ivan stared at the stained glass's many-colored light scattered across Amelia's pale skin. Beautiful as the ceiling's glass colors, yet sharp enough to follow those broken patterns and stab right through her delicate skin at any moment. Just like Ivan's presence in Amelia's life. In that instant, Ivan felt a flash of certainty.

This woman would die someday because of her feelings for him.