RAMHM Chapter 102

Novian Trovika's Circumstances (2)

"So you saw me for the first time that day. Ha, goodness."

"..."

"The little forest that only An and I knew about—it was actually a forest you knew too."

"I didn't know. The Crown Prince told me. I didn't know."

Novian answered hastily. The Crown Prince, listening to their story with a dazed expression, let out a bitter laugh.

I recalled that moment again.

The instant I followed An into the little forest, my heartbeat rang clearly in my ears.

Thinking of the letters where he'd boasted that I should anticipate his grown appearance, I'd looked at his black hair fragmenting in the moonlight.

And indeed, when An removed his mask and lifted the corners of his mouth, he resembled exactly what I'd imagined.

Long black hair like the night sky, deep blue eyes that had been hidden. Everything captivated my heart.

Novian Trovika.

I'd been too busy managing my own body to properly know the illustrious name Novian Trovika.

'So the name An... was the 'an' in Novian.'

'It's so strange that you look exactly like the An I always dreamed and imagined.'

I'd simply loved that name—An.

I'd interpreted the Royal Academy's system—which had no concept of graduation—and the mana stones that changed hair and eye color exactly as suited me.

My naive, foolish younger self, drunk on the dream of fulfilling first love, opened her entire heart and loved Novian.

Never knowing it was the beginning of misfortune.

"Please, please don't cry. Adrienne. There's more to say. You need to know how much, how much I came to love you."

Novian continued speaking as if he could never say this again after today.

The couple of the century.

That's what people called them.

Publicly, rumor spread that the iron-blooded strategist Grand Duke Novian Trovika had fallen for Princess Pirreta at first sight.

What a romantic rumor!

Deceiving one naive, young lady was easy.

When told he'd sent a marriage proposal, Adrienne blinked her large eyes in confusion before genuinely rejoicing, without any wariness.

And whenever Adrienne delighted that way when they met, something went strange in Novian's heart.

It hadn't been love at first sight.

Novian Trovika wasn't that kind of man.

Yet when he first removed his mask and greeted the woman called Adrienne Pirreta in that 'little forest,' he shivered faintly, spine tingling.

He didn't know why.

The woman's innocent, blindly devoted gaze made him feel strange.

It was the first time anyone had looked at him with eyes so full of goodwill, brimming with human affection.

And on the long-awaited wedding day.

Watching Adrienne's expression as she appeared in her pure white wedding dress, Novian realized he was smiling faintly along with her.

He even thought that a loveless marriage wasn't necessarily only a bad thing.

On their wedding night, he'd given Adrienne alcohol to avoid consummating with her. Because he'd thought her weak body would quickly succumb to sleep if she drank.

But unlike her frail body, she held her liquor quite well.

Something about watching her laugh with languidly relaxed eyes, the corners crinkling sweetly, made his heart beat strangely.

Without any wariness, disheveled in her slip, Adrienne covered her mouth and laughed while talking about memories of 'us' that he didn't know, even while embarrassed.

"So, do you remember that? An?"

"...That name 'An.'"

"Yes?"

"It's such an old pet name. I wish we could change it."

The moment the words left his mouth, Novian regretted them.

Because her brightly smiling, clear face stiffened slightly as she tilted her head. He closed his mouth, needlessly fidgeting with his empty glass. Somehow his throat had been parched since earlier.

"Mm."

After seeming to ponder briefly, Adrienne soon smiled brightly, jumped up from her seat, and pulled Novian into a tight embrace.

He instantly stopped breathing and pulled his body back to keep his face from touching the soft flesh pressing against him. But the more he did, the tighter Adrienne held him, laughing.

"Then how about 'Noah'?"

"...Mm?"

Adrienne naturally wrapped her arms around his neck and settled lightly onto his lap.

Ah, goodness. This fragile princess, not even aware of her current state of undress, leaned against his shoulder and rubbed her cheek against him, whispering.

"Noah. I'll give you a pretty new pet name."

Adrienne slowly lifted her head to meet his eyes.

"Noah."

Jewel-like eyes, close to pale turquoise, rippled softly.

"My beloved Noah. My sea. My everything."

Never in his life had Novian encountered a gaze so complete, so sweet, so lovely.

"From now on I'll call you Noah. Don't tell anyone. Only I'll call you that."

Ah.

What could a mere pet name possibly be?

What could these feelings—not truly his—whispered by a person not truly his, possibly mean?

"I love you, Noah."

Why did it feel like somewhere in the center of his chest was collapsing utterly?

"That woman who waited for me blindly when I couldn't be master of anything... that woman who genuinely relied on me when I'd spend my life doing someone else's bidding... I..."

Novian's bloodshot eyes looked even more painful, dried out from tears.

"...I couldn't help but love her."

"I told you I didn't want to hear about your love."

The headache that felt like her eyeballs might pop out from having no more tears to shed—Adrienne suffered the same.

"I don't know when it started. I wanted to have you. I just... just like water flows downward... like the sun rises again when night comes... I couldn't help falling for you."

Adrienne cursed Novian for reopening wounds while trembling all over.

"The more I loved you, the more I wanted to have you."

One of Novian's legs slowly bent. Teardrops pattered onto the cold floor.

"But I couldn't have you. You weren't... you weren't mine."

"Stop."

Finally kneeling fully on both knees, the man began pleading.

"The Crown Prince who claimed to be your master noticed my feelings and always sent me away. He always sent me to places he should have gone himself. I was grateful just that he didn't approach you separately, grateful enough that I couldn't even return to the capital. And on the rare days I did return..."

His scraped hands from the earlier scuffle clawed desperately at the floor.

"I wanted to hold you. Love you. Possess you. Holding you in my arms, spending nights awake... when your body belonged to Bardenaldo and your heart to Rhodness... I agonized over how to make you mine."

"Stop!"

"But there was no such method anywhere! Your health worsened and worsened... every time, every time the doctor shook his head, I despaired endlessly while holding onto one last hope—that though Bardenaldo might not know about you alive, he wouldn't steal you from me dead."

Novian didn't stop his story.

"Uncle's face has bloomed."

"..."

Having unconsciously relaxed his expression, Novian immediately hardened his face.

He'd been remembering his wife, who'd pouted about having to enter the palace as soon as they arrived in the capital.

Though the voice flowed lightly as if asking after someone's wellbeing, Novian instantly straightened his posture and faced Bardenaldo.

"How is the Grand Duchess's condition?"

The Crown Prince who'd never once asked about Adrienne after the marriage. Though he seemed to live trapped beside the sharp-tempered Doris, the Crown Prince always sneered at Doris.

Calling her 'stupid with nothing but greed, easy to control.'

At the Crown Prince's words—always about work until now—Novian was dragged from his sweet dream of longing for Adrienne back to reality in an instant.

"...Not very well."

"I heard there's talk of today or tomorrow?"

An impulse rose to strike Bardenaldo, who spoke of it indifferently like someone else's business. As Novian barely suppressed his emotions, Bardenaldo—who wouldn't miss such things—noticed.

"Uncle. Indulging in honeymoon dreams is fine, but as long as I am Princess Pirreta's master, I have absolutely no intention of yielding."

If this had been Novian from just a year ago, he would have nodded numbly. After all, everything given to him was no different from the bone a leashed dog received every hour.

Given, yet not given.

Helplessly taken when the master snatched it back, then given again when he wagged his tail from hunger—like a dog bone.

Things he could never obtain unless the master returned and showed affection.

Never had his circumstances cut to the bone like today, like this moment.

Ah.

I've lived a wasted life.

For the first time, he regretted his choices.

He should have killed the Emperor when he had the chance. Killed them all so no one could say such things to him, so no one could steal Adrienne away.

But a dog trained by its master always does the same—growls from hunger while tucking its tail, lowering its head.

"Even if Adrienne Pirreta dies, she'll be buried not in the Trovika Grand Ducal cemetery... but at my side. Do you understand?"

Because he learned every moment that even if that bone was rotten, if the master came to take it away, he couldn't hold onto it.

"So? So you handed my corpse to your brilliant lord?"

I asked incredulously.

Unable to raise his head, sobbing, Novian seemed not to hear my words, just kept shaking his head.

"My corpse and my mother's necklace too. You handed everything of mine to that monster? While claiming you loved me?"

"That necklace...!"

An agitated voice burst out.

Face drenched, Novian shuddered and pointed at my dead body.

"That necklace is the key to that coffin. Bardenaldo knows it. I had no choice but to hand it over."

Ha.

Unbelievable.

My head grew so dizzy it felt like it might melt, and I lifted my gaze briefly.

I felt an impulse wishing the unrealistically beautiful glittering chandelier would fall and crush my body.

"I can't even possess your corpse."

The spat-out voice was packed full with fury at his circumstances and contempt for himself.

"Adrienne, whom I could never have even once. Adrienne, whom I can never have for all eternity..."

Thud. Thud. The striking sound echoed across the floor.

Still kneeling, Novian was slamming his head against the floor.

"You, whom for the first time in my life I desperately wanted to have, I can't even, bury, in my family's cemetery...!"

I heard the sound of Novian's forehead splitting open with a low shout—crack!

Blood trickled down from his previously uninjured forehead.

Novian's eyes were no longer sane. Seeing eyes gone mad in a different way than the Crown Prince's, I staggered briefly, realizing I too could barely endure this with my sanity intact.

Novian's eyes flew wide as he immediately tried to rise.

"No."

But I didn't allow it.

"...Don't you remember?"

Trembling fists clenched tight, I whispered.

"I told you never to appear before me again without my mother's necklace."

No matter what plausible excuses and circumstances he had, the truth that he'd deceived and manipulated me didn't change. So his shameless presence before me, his excuses while asking me to love him again—they only stoked my anger.

"If you want to keep seeing me like that..."

The deep blue eyes that had shown pale light immediately flickered with a different gleam. Like a dog watching its master prepare to throw a disc.

He'd clearly glimpsed a thread of hope in the condition 'if you want to keep seeing me.'

I could see his sweat-soaked adam's apple bob heavily.

"Bring it. No, steal it."

My mouth corners twitched—whether smiling or crying, I couldn't tell.

Already Novian had raised himself to a crouch, legs twitching as if ready to spring forward at any moment.

"From your master. Steal my mother's necklace, you fucking dog."

It was a command spoken through gritted teeth.

From my dried-out eyes, a fat teardrop fell downward with fury—plop.

Novian immediately sprang toward his master, who sat sprawled loosely across the floor.