RAMHM Chapter 139

The Way of Love

"Rienne. Don't look at me."

"...?"

In the same instant his lips moved from the crown of my head down to my nape, pressing kisses point by point. That sensation—like being touched by fire—made me bite down hard on my lower lip.

His lips, composure entirely gone now, caught at the clothes hanging precariously off me.

The sleeve that had slipped to my shoulder fell, tugged loose, down past my waist.

"Rhoan?"

"I don't want you to see me... looking ugly with jealousy."

He didn't want me to see it, and yet his face, flickering through the window glass, was already perfectly clear against the backdrop of the night sky.

Even blurred a little, I could tell easily enough that his eyes had sunk darker than the night itself.

The man least suited to that word stood there.

"Ah!"

The clothing I'd already shed left my bare back pressed directly against his burning body.

Naturally, I was pressed forward, my own body meeting the cold of the great window.

Against the vast, cold glass, my body was pinned just slightly, and goosebumps rose at the chill and the pressure of it.

His hot lips began, in earnest now, to torment my nape.

Not knowing where to put my hands, I dragged my fingertips down the window.

Being this high up, I was caught between two things: the fear that the glass might crack and give way beneath me, and the disturbingly vivid presence pressing against my back.

His desire, swollen and full, made its presence known, blunt and undeniable.

Pressed closer against me, Rhodness buried his face in my nape and let out a low, suffering sound.

His hot breath scattered again and again across my shoulder and neck.

It was breath touched with a clean scent of mint.

Against skin already raised in gooseflesh, Rhodness's burning touch landed and lifted, landed and lifted, again and again.

Against the cold glass that had touched my skin, white vapor clouded and then vanished.

Before I knew it my whole body had warmed steadily through and taken on a flush of red.

That he was, unlike usual, refusing to let me see his face—it was so piercingly arousing that even the fine hairs at the edge of my ear stood on end.

"Rhoan, I sometimes..."

His breath grew rougher still, and just as he began biting at my shoulder, I spoke, shuddering.

"You're so... skilled at this, it makes me feel like I've been deceived. You're always so..."

Hot breath broke harshly against my ear.

Through the breathless gaps, I finally heard a low laugh escape his mouth.

"Actually, this isn't my first time."

"...What?"

His lips, which had been chewing gently at my shoulder, pressed close to my ear and whispered.

"For a very long time now... you've always been in my dreams."

"What are you... talking about?"

"And in dreams, there's nothing I haven't done."

"Rho—an!"

His low voice, half mixed with teasing, soaked into my eardrum along with his hot breath.

"I told you, Rienne. I've always wanted you."

Only then did he find his true smile again—the man who shone like the one star in a pitch-black night—and his eyes reddened at the edges.

"In my dreams, we spent the night together more times than I could count."

Every time his burning body heat wrapped around me, goosebumps rose all the way to the tips of my toes, and my vision flashed white, then black, again and again.

Hot and damp. Unease, jealousy, desire, joy—all of it knotted together.

But also a place like a spring of pleasure, almost unbearably sweet.

"Since I was very young..."

A man like an incubus—one who ruled this dark space—pressed his lips closer to my ear.

Rhodness's darkened gaze settled deep on the "little forest" visible through the window.

At the same moment, his low, ominous voice slithered into my ear like a snake.

"I've always wanted us to grow close like this, Rienne."

The sound of a night that would not end—beginning.

Rhodness ignored the letters the Emperor had sent, again and again.

"Rhoan, that's enough now..."

"It's because you don't pay attention to me that I want to do this even more."

His presence at my back was hot. A chill shot straight through me.

A staggering number of letters had arrived for both Rhodness and me over the course of one night.

For me, most were from Bianca or Olivia, sending word as they escorted my father toward the capital, along with details about the saint's investiture.

It was much the same for Rhodness, except that the people writing to him were Count Raelon and Count Syscamythn—people who had newly decided to support him, and who he, for his part, found nothing to be pleased about.

His hot hand slid into my armpit from behind and gripped my shoulder firmly.

Rhodness scattered hot breath across my nape—sulking, like a child—and pressed himself against me, slow and deliberate.

A suffering sound escaped my own mouth without my meaning it to.

It was because we hadn't left the bedroom from early evening until dawn, spending the entire night together. In short, neither of us had slept a wink.

"What do you mean I'm not paying attention to you. I've been glued to you all night, and right now there's nothing in my head but you."

To my grumbling, he said nothing for a long moment, holding me from behind with no gap left between us at all.

"Are you listening?"

"...Say it again."

I felt his firm cheek rub against the back of my head. The hand gripping my shoulder tightened further.

"Nothing in your head but me—say that again."

"..."

"Hm?"

He took my chin gently with one hand and turned it back toward him.

His eyes, rippling with a dazed, rapturous light, shone at me—desperate.

In his eyes, my cheeks looked far too red.

The moment I registered that, my ears caught fire, burning even hotter.

When I went back over what I'd just said without thinking much of it, the embarrassment was unbearable.

I forced my wavering gaze away, in the exact opposite direction from his desperate eyes.

By the time my fluttering lashes had cast as much shadow as my lowered gaze allowed, I could finally manage to part my lips.

"Right now. My mind is entirely on you, Rhoan. There's nothing in my head right now—but you."

That instant—

Something glittering cascaded across my vision.

His platinum hair, luminous in the morning sun, spilled across my cheek, and his hot lips latched onto mine.

A kiss full of rapture brought the whole of last night flooding back at once.

My body, which had only just begun to warm again slowly, started to burn all over in an instant.

Knock-knock.

By the time his breath, sweet only a moment before, had grown rough again, and even the places not touching him had started to feel branded with heat, someone knocked from outside.

As he had all through the night the letters had arrived, Rhodness ignored the sound and stayed lost in me.

Knock-knock.

"Your Highness."

The voice sounded more urgent this time, so I slowly turned and pushed firmly against his chest.

His lips, leaving with deep reluctance still clinging to them, pulled away, and as he dragged the back of his hand across his wet mouth, his eyes were hazy, like a man drunk on wine.

"I heard it too."

"It must be urgent. You should go now."

In his gradually clearing eyes, a flicker of resentment surfaced and vanished, just for a moment.

But that lasted only an instant before Rhodness pulled me into his chest and steadied his ragged breath.

"I have to work. But you—you drive me out of my mind. You broke your word about waiting somewhere safe, and now that I've actually seen you, I can't contain myself. The injustice of it. The grief. The anger. Even the urge to tear everything apart—you just make me forget all of it."

It's all because of you.

His low, serious voice crawled across the rumpled sheets.

"I want to lie here tangled up with you like this for days. Months."

"Even so, Rhoan."

My whole body felt like it would burst from the heat, but I had to force myself to sound calm and composed.

The unease ahead of an important plan. The uncertainty about the future. All of it scattered to the wind, too, whenever I was with Rhodness.

His low voice tickled at my heart.

The sturdy body that held me only tighter whenever I felt myself soar up toward the sky and then plummet back down.

The endless declarations of love, ending finally in whispered pleas he made no effort to hide.

There wasn't a single thing that didn't move me.

Knock-knock.

"Your Highness."

Vincento's voice came through the door a little more forcefully, and Rhodness pressed a kiss to the corner of my mouth before rising, slow.

His body, healthy enough that I had to wonder each time whether this was even the same man, was soon wrapped in proper clothes.

I, too, threw on whatever Yona had left for me before dawn and went to see him off.

The marks Rhodness had left mottled across my neck made it impossible to follow him all the way to the front door right now.

"Today every kind of person is going to grab hold of me and not let go. We've done nothing but meaningless meetings until you arrived. Don't come to the saint's investiture this afternoon—stay here and rest. It'll only ruin your eyes to watch. I'll handle the Doris Castagna matter myself and come back."

Rhodness substituted a brief, reluctant kiss for a farewell.

"Wait for me. If you're somewhere warm, eating something sweet and resting—I'll take care of everything and come back."

I stood by the window and watched Rhodness mount his horse himself, alongside Vincento.

When his eyes lifted this way and met mine, he smiled at me as though he'd gained the whole world.

I saw Vincento beside him shaking his head.

I smiled and waved at him.

Rhodness lifted a light hand in return and left the residence.

"Rhoan, I..."

Over the image of his retreating back, I drew my fingertip along the cold glass.

"I've always wanted to be of use to the person I love."

I was no longer sick or in pain, and even after staying up the entire night with Rhodness, I could stand here like this, perfectly well, and see him off.

How overwhelming this was for me—Rhodness would never know.

Of course I would wait for him, as he'd asked.

But not the way I had when I loved Novian...

I wish there were something I could do for you.

I wouldn't sit by, helpless, doing nothing, the way I had then.

"The wish to protect the person you love—it's the same, isn't it. No matter who you are."

Just as it was Rhodness's love to take on every hard and ugly task himself, I was simply someone who couldn't stand by and watch Rhodness try to carry a brutal road alone.

I finally had the healthy body I'd always wanted—as Adrienne—myself, not Bliea. How could I possibly go on living the way I had before?

I have my own way, too.

For you, and for myself—I'll do every single thing I'm able to do.

"...That is my love."

The door at the entrance of the residence closed completely.

Even the sound of Rhodness's horse's hooves faded into the distance.

I gazed quietly at my own reflection in the window.

I know a woman who wears this same face—a woman I must wake, whose story I want to hear, a woman I hope will be happy.

Knock-knock.

"My lady. Done catching up on lost time? Shall we get to our own work now?"

Epero's voice, finally knocking after I'd snapped at him to start doing so, cut through the bedroom.

"They say the Grand Mage already left the residence at dawn. We should head out too."

I pulled my collar tighter and went to meet Epero.

The day to begin my own fight had finally come.