RAMHM Chapter 17

From Their Eyes to Their Words,
Every Single Thing Insolent and Insufferable.

I stared at Rhodness with a mind that had—finally—regained some measure of composure.

There's no such thing as help without reason.

The predator before me was clearly attempting to put me in his debt for some purpose or other. Gulp. Dry saliva swallowed itself without my permission. My throat felt scorched, parched to the point of burning.

I didn't know why he was angry. Was it because the woman who claimed she wanted to escape Novian was brazenly still at the estate? But I hadn't come here with any such intention from the start. I'd only meant to humor Novian's moods, make myself as familiar as the tongue in his mouth, and then—later—hope he'd be cast aside even more miserably than before.

"I haven't forgotten, Your Highness."

I didn't know why Rhodness was angry, but I understood what his words meant, and now that things had come to this, the thought struck me with a dull thud—I had to accept whatever help I could get. Asking my family for help was impossible given Bliea's position and my circumstances, both too absurd for words. The only path forward I could see was divorce from Count Acacia, then informing Novian of it and parting ways with him.

I did need a direct member of the imperial family's help, didn't I?

Aristocratic divorce wasn't simple—it required a seal from a direct imperial family member. If I wanted to proceed without Novian's knowledge, I'd have to either steal his seal or secure help from a nearby royal.

If I could get one more favor... let me ask this man who seemed to despise Novian's mistress for his approval of the divorce.

Once I thought that way, my wildly pounding heart gradually began to settle. I didn't know what he'd demand, but surely I'd gain something as well.

The only thing that bothers me is...

I glanced at his eyes, which looked complicated.

Why does he look at me with those eyes?

Was it simply because he'd encountered this Bliea—with a face far too identical to "Adrienne's"—before her gravestone? Because I'd failed to show proper courtesy to him, a member of the imperial family, and fled on sight?

Or perhaps...

To think he'd followed me out of infatuation seemed unlikely—his expression remained arrogant and cold despite his consistently polite speech, his behavior restrained beyond measure. Just as Rhodness's crimson eyes and mine locked straight together, as if someone had pulled them into alignment—

"Countess Acacia."

Novian's voice cut through the space where subtle tension flowed.

"I heard my estate's maids were rude to you. Are you all right?"

"I dedicate this poem to Her Grace the Grand Duchess, who was called to Abadelia in the flower of her youth."

Clap clap clap clap clap!! A shower of applause poured forth. I watched as people I didn't know listed my supposed good deeds and performed their grief. My volunteer work at orphanages I'd visited for appearances, attending temple services like any other imperial citizen—all of it packaged beautifully. Some even went so far as to praise me as practically the reincarnation of Saint Marini. They planned to hold this absurd event for two days, apparently.

"My lady."

"...Let's go."

There was nothing more to see. Before my death and after it, the only people who remembered Adrienne were types like these. People trying to ingratiate themselves with Novian. People wanting to get close to him. I walked toward the direction where Novian and Rhodness had disappeared together earlier. When Novian appeared, Rhodness had said he had something to discuss and dragged him away. I pressed down the hat Yona had procured for me, but perhaps because of the red dress sparkling beneath my black shawl, the maids' gazes attached themselves to me immediately. The music playing softly in the party hall grew more distant. As I walked toward my carriage, the closer I got, the more I could hear other sounds.

"...I dislike my wife becoming a spectacle."

It was Novian's voice.

"I'm not here to gawk at Adrienne's corpse."

"......"

"I want to confirm it."

"You weren't even sent an invitation. Is that why you came?"

Rhodness's voice, as if forcibly suppressing anger, overlapped with Novian's calm tone. I pretended not to hear and moved my legs as quickly as my racing heart. Then I quietly boarded the carriage, opened the window, and watched them.

"What is it you wish to confirm?"

"...I must see Adrienne's body with my own eyes."

"My wife has been Grand Duchess for two years now. It's unseemly for you to address her by name."

From my angle, I could only see Novian's face straight on. Rhodness's brilliant golden hair hadn't moved an inch.

"How pathetic to have to explain this with my own mouth."

"Explain?"

Novian's expressionless face gradually grew colder. He slowly lifted his previously courteous head and looked down at Rhodness as if viewing the most ridiculous thing in the world. Though he and Rhodness were quite similar in height, he deliberately raised his chin to look down at his nephew.

"Your first love from those foolish days. Do you wish to see even the corpse of that first love?"

"...How dare you."

"Surely you don't still carry feelings for her now."

"I knew her first. I held her in my heart first."

"...And so?"

Novian let out a derisive laugh. I could see Rhodness clench his fists tight. It was behavior uncharacteristic of a prince who always seemed so composed.

"Lover, husband, and now even chief mourner—isn't that me?"

"......"

"Adrienne didn't need a problem child like Your Highness, someone always causing trouble with blood on his hands. She needed a stable, mature man like myself. Don't waste time on what you can't have. Invest your time in what you can."

Then Novian's deep blue eyes met mine directly. He smiled as if he'd known of my presence all along.

"I must see off a guest. Excuse me."

He approached me while leaving behind the still-standing figure of Rhodness. It had been a distance where only voices could barely be heard, yet he reached me in just a few strides without walking at all.

"Are you all right?"

"......"

And worry colored his flawless face. My mind kept catching on Rhodness for no good reason. He'd probably said he wanted to confirm my corpse that Novian had supposedly brought to the estate. And clearly I was his...

He said first love.

"Bliea."

Novian grabbed my chin as I stared over his shoulder.

Though barely half his strength went into his grip, it hurt slightly.

"Look at me."

"......"

"I asked if you're all right. What did my estate's maids do to you?"

They'd done nothing. Some had simply gathered out of curiosity seeing my face identical to the mistress they'd served, while others had congregated wondering about the commotion.

"Won't you answer?"

Novian didn't release his hold on my chin. I shifted my gaze that had been flowing past him to meet his blue eyes directly. A sharp sensation, as if the carriage seat beneath me had suddenly dropped away—hollow. I slowly removed Novian's hand and drew my body back slightly. He didn't take his eyes off me.

"Tell me what the maids did to you."

"Nothing."

He gripped the window frame tightly, as if exercising patience.

"Tell me."

Even in the midst of my confusion from Rhodness's sudden confession, a thought suddenly—quite suddenly—occurred to me. During my time as Adrienne. If Novian had asked me like this, over and over, would I have opened my mouth? Just as he'd told Rhodness, he was mature enough to be relied upon. Perhaps he could have solved the problems within the estate with a snap—eyes closed then opened, gone!

"You keep testing my patience."

They did nothing to Bliea. But what about to Adrienne? If that's the question, I had so much to say.

"If I must say something—the estate's maids looked down on me, every single one."

"What?"

"From their eyes to their words, every single thing insolent and insufferable—I couldn't bear it."

When you weren't there, I was no different from a ghost in that place. No one would keep me company, and I—forced to depend on them—withered alone. Afraid my every move might reach the palace through those people supposedly sent by the imperial family. Afraid of being caught doing something wrong and becoming a burden to you.

I waited only for you to come.

Even knowing you were busy, I wanted to ask you to stay by my side. Once the terror within the Grand Ducal estate passed, what rose clearly was anger. I remembered those who scattered with apologies and terror at a single word from Rhodness. Those who'd never shown a moment's courtesy to either Adrienne or Bliea.

"It's unpleasant."

"...I'll apologize on their behalf."

After a long silence, he answered like that. I avoided his gaze. So many words filled me inside, but I couldn't speak them with Bliea's mouth—the frustration, and simultaneously, his answer didn't satisfy me at all. What would he have said if it had been Adrienne? Would he have whispered tenderly, 'I'll take care of everything, don't you worry'? Just imagining it made the tears I'd been holding back threaten to pour out all at once. A memorial held for me while I was perfectly alive. My lost mother's necklace. Novian wanting Bliea. And yet still calling Adrienne "my wife."

"I'll go."

"Wait a moment. I'll attach a knight to escort you."

I was swallowing tears, saying I'd leave, when suddenly—thunk!

"That won't be necessary."

"!"

Someone lightly opened the carriage's left door, which had been closed. When I turned my head, a glittering man filled the carriage as he entered.

"I'll escort the lady, so the host should guard his estate."

It was Rhodness, who'd been standing far behind until just now. Bang bang! He struck the carriage wall twice, and the coachman immediately set the carriage in motion as if he'd been waiting.

The carriage raced forward fast enough that Novian could only watch us leave helplessly, eyes wide. I too stared with eyes opened as wide as Novian's at Rhodness, who'd somehow seated himself across from me with his long legs and arms crossed. A pair of vivid red eyes stared through me. His expression looked thoroughly displeased.