RAMHM Chapter 21

The Punishment I Inflicted Myself

Acacia Estate. I'd been lying in bed since yesterday, clutching Bliea's diary to my chest, crying. The sobs that had clawed through my insides—those had finally stopped. The rage that felt like it would split me apart had turned to tears, soaking only the innocent pillow beneath my head.

'I'll pretend I didn't hear that.'

Those beautiful eyes, shocked—they'd answered exactly that. And then he'd led me into the dining room and personally extracted the rose thorns and glass shards embedded in my palm, treating the wounds himself.

It should have stung. But I already felt like the back of my skull had been smashed open, so no other pain registered. Rhodness's face had remained hard as stone throughout the treatment.

'I will help you only until the day I confirm Adrienne's body. I also cannot understand the Grand Duke who left Adrienne to meet you, and I am furious. But punishing him by helping you will be sufficient.'

'......'

'......Did you fight with the Grand Duke?'

If only it had been something like that. Rhodness had said that while clenching his teeth at intervals. That he couldn't kill the Grand Duke. That as I'd said, he could do nothing but betray and wound him. Tears poured from his tightly shut eyes like a broken dam.

Soon after, the bedroom door opened with Yona's careful footsteps. I hid the diary I'd been clutching under the blanket and closed my eyes. Right now, I didn't want to be with anyone. I heard the sound of Yona placing a meal I wouldn't eat on the small table. I pressed my hands firmly over my ears and just prayed for this time to pass quickly.

How exactly had he killed me? The seizure had occurred long after he'd left the estate, and while it had been severe, it was a symptom that appeared occasionally when my physical condition wasn't good.

"Um......"

I wiped away my tears and glanced back slightly. Yona fidgeted, then predictably held out an invitation on a gleaming golden tray. Out of habit, I looked toward the bedroom entrance—Marge was standing there, pretending to look elsewhere while watching us from the corner of her eye.

"......What is it?"

At my hoarse voice, Yona flinched and held it out further with a worried expression. I felt completely drained as I struggled to sit up and leaned against the headboard. When my hand—wrapped in thin bandages—reached for the invitation, even more worry rippled across Yona's face.

"Shall I help you, Madam?"

"......"

I didn't answer and unfolded the invitation. At the bottom was clearly a signature I knew well—that Novian Trovika's signature, brazenly displayed. This time he'd even written Bliea Acacia's name distinctly in his own hand.

"I said we should give it to you in about an hour, you know, when Madam's condition improved a bit. But......"

Yona whispered urgently, making excuses.

"Miss Marge said that lovers' quarrels are like cutting water with a knife, so we had to deliver it quickly......"

My voice crying out Novian Trovika's name must have echoed loudly through the estate. Yona fidgeted, saying she genuinely hadn't wanted to do this. But her near-tears didn't reach my ears.

「……I've been busy and haven't been able to contact you for a while. I wish to formally apologize for the rudeness shown to you by the maids of my mansion at Adrienne's birthday celebration.」

It was a dinner invitation. I placed the invitation back on the golden tray with still-trembling hands.

"Madam?"

"What time is it now?"

"The time? Around lunch. Are you hungry?"

Yona hurried to the table where she'd placed the food earlier and pulled out a chair. But my gaze remained fixed on the golden tray on the bed and the invitation atop it.

"No, the Grand Duke has invited me to dinner."

"Ah......?"

A bit of color returned to Yona's face. She seemed to think we were reconciling after our apparent fight.

"I'm going right now."

"What?! It's just past lunchtime, Madam!"

"It doesn't matter. Send word that I'm coming now."

I felt I couldn't bear not seeing that refined, beautiful, shameless face.

"Madam!"

Tears spilled from my eyes again. Yona rushed over, flustered, and pulled out a handkerchief.

That won't be enough to stop them.

If I don't spew out all this despair and rage, I'll die. Ridiculous for me to say, already dead as I am. But if I didn't meet him immediately and vomit out something—anything—I felt I would die.

"I'll get you dressed right away! Please don't cry!"

Marge, who'd been watching the whole scene from outside the door, panicked greatly and made a fuss with Yona. As they prepared to dress me up to look good for Novian Trovika, I added darkly:

"......Make me look like Bliea."

"Pardon?"

"Style me like my usual self. Flashy and loud."

The Acacia carriage stopped as soon as it entered the Grand Ducal Estate—even though the entrance was still quite far away. Yona cracked the door open and leaned out.

"What's wrong, Uncle Jang?"

"There's an Imperial carriage at the entrance!"

I opened the window and stuck just my head out. Butler Gaspar, looking troubled, was talking with the coachman when he spotted me and bowed with pretended politeness. I shut the window with a thunk, ignoring him.

"Seems we came too early."

"Who came?"

"The butler won't tell us, but it's definitely someone from the Imperial family. He's asking us to wait a moment?"

Yona, who'd been listening to their conversation from the opposite window, also closed it and told me. I had no desire to wait even a moment out of consideration for Novian.

"I'll just get out and walk."

"Pardon?"

"You stay with the carriage."

Entering hell—the person involved, myself alone, is sufficient for that. At my strangely resolute attitude, Yona hesitated but then stayed quiet. As my carriage door opened, Gaspar came running urgently.

"Madam!"

I silently extended my hand. A signal to offer his arm. And when I glared with an expression Bliea might have worn, Gaspar trembled and obediently extended his arm. Could this be the same butler who'd ignored my words? His manner was remarkably docile.

In front of my carriage stood not only the Imperial carriage but also large horses with powerful builds, the kind knights would ride, lined up in a row.

"Who came?"

"Ah, that is......"

Gaspar trailed off as he guided me, looking uncomfortable about answering. I hated the sight of him so much I gripped his arm hard, twisting it. Answer me. Gaspar's eyes widened in shock, and he forced his mouth open.

"A guest from the Imperial family has arrived. I didn't expect you to come this early, Madam."

"So, are you going to lecture me about it?"

I couldn't—the words simply wouldn't come out politely.

"What?!"

His expression looked thoroughly apologetic, but Gaspar's words were presumptuous beyond measure. 'It's your fault for coming earlier than the appointment time'—the aristocratic language that this butler dared to use so well. Bliea, a commoner, might think Gaspar was simply sorry for not receiving her properly, but I was not Bliea.

"You should have prepared for the possibility I'd come early. Shouldn't you, butler?"

"Ah......"

"The relationship between the Grand Duke and I isn't so rigid that we need to keep time so precisely, is it?"

For a butler managing such a grand estate to be so unprepared. As I muttered as if to myself, Gaspar gaped at me stupidly. Then he quickly collected himself and opened his mouth.

"Ah, yes... My apologies. Madam."

As we crossed the garden, Novian emerged from the estate entrance with a red-haired man. Though we were some distance apart, I recognized him at once. Crown Prince Bardenaldo.

"My apologies, Madam. Please wait here for just a moment."

Leaving me hidden behind a topiary as if concealing me, I watched Gaspar sprint toward them at full speed. He bowed so low his crown nearly touched the ground and didn't raise his head until even the last member of the Imperial Knights following the Crown Prince had passed before him.

Meanwhile, the Crown Prince exchanged brief words with Novian, smiling warmly as always, then boarded the gleaming golden Imperial carriage. The Crown Prince's party disappeared around the large garden toward the estate entrance. In the space left with only dust clouds, Novian had vanished, and only Gaspar stood there extending his arm with remarkably pious eyes, signaling I could come now.

Enduring Gaspar's continued oily gaze, I entered the main hall to see Novian sitting on the sofa with crossed legs. I had to forcibly suppress what I wanted to scream at him immediately.

"You came early."

"......"

"Were you disappointed I didn't come fetch you personally?"

He said this without even glancing my way. Asking if I was disappointed, yet somehow giving the impression he was the disappointed one. About what?

When I stood there silently without answering, he turned his head toward me. Long black hair neatly tied back. A straight forehead and sharp eyes. Cool blue eyes directed at me. Beyond the monocle he'd been wearing as if intending to read the newspaper, his eyes were shadowed—he must not be sleeping well. It was the face he made when exhausted.

I'd thought facing him would let me slap his cheek at least once, but seeing this haggard appearance—more than my own betrayed state—my trembling body contradicted my mind as it went cold.

Novian's gaze swept slowly from the top of my head to my toes. Dressed more flamboyantly than usual, I must be quite the spectacle.

His eyebrow twitching slightly, he sighed low and murmured:

"You're beautiful enough without such adornment."

"......I like flashy things."

"Right, you did."

He knows my tastes well, it seems. I clasped my trembling hands tightly. He nodded almost imperceptibly and rose from his seat.

"And I want to look beautiful for you."

I spat out the words while glaring at him. My heart trembled violently. But Novian, oblivious to my tension, chuckled and approached, extending his hand. I hesitated briefly, then placed my hand atop his.

"......What is this?"

My hand still had bandages wrapped around it, and seeing them, Novian's face twisted unmistakably. I forced a smile and opened my mouth.

"It's nothing."

What do you mean what? The punishment I inflicted myself on your mistress's body.