RAMHM Chapter 87

So I Did It, a Kiss

The persistent determination to hear it felt strangely, unsettlingly arousing. Have I lost my mind? For a man who can't even properly say the word kiss...

"You're right. When Your Highness made me copy Ellaconian and then fell asleep... at that moment, your mask had shifted slightly and I could see your lips."

Rhodness's tightly pressed lips filled my vision completely. Thump. Thump. Thump. Thump. The sound of my heartbeat, previously unnoticed, burrowed into my ears.

"...And?"

Rhodness's voice, slow as a dream, gnawed at my ears along with my heartbeat. The lips producing that low, pleasant voice were full and beautifully colored. They had been like that then, too. The lips gleaming in the sunlight had been too sensual for a boy my age to possess. My mouth went inexplicably dry and I swallowed hard.

"So I did it."

Say it like it's nothing. Like a light mistake made on childish impulse. In a way, it was a mistake. No, strictly speaking, it was a minor collision. Just because those lips were so beautiful. Because those lips, revealed when his always-concealed mask shifted askew, were so beautiful. I'd leaned close as if entranced, and a strand of my hair must have tickled his chin because he stirred, and then his lips briefly touched mine—watching from just inches away—light as a feather, for just an instant. If asked why I was there at his lips for no reason, answering 'because your lips were so beautiful I wanted to see them up close' would be more embarrassing, so I omitted the explanation.

"So I did it, a kiss."

Kiss. The moment I pronounced it correctly—not that thing but kiss—his previously disgruntled face flushed scarlet. As if someone had slapped him dozens of times.

"...Earlier."

Rhodness's thick Adam's apple bobbed visibly once. Time seemed to slow maddeningly and my breath caught.

"Earlier, you did it with that pink-haired one too."

"Yes, why does that matter? It's a greeting between close friends."

I tried to sound as nonchalant as possible.

"I'm your friend too."

My words caught in my throat instantly. The persistent gaze felt like it was clinging to every part of my body. I gripped the front of my cloak tighter. I just felt I had to, without knowing why. Was it the oppressive heat bearing down on me, the primal sense of crisis that I might be devoured in one gulp? As I pressed myself against the door until I was nearly flattened, Rhodness stood and approached. Eyes burning quietly like fire were right in front of me.

"Greet me too, then."

"!"

"You did it so well as a child, and you did it well with a friend you just met. Do it with me too."

His eyes, seeming burnt black, blinked slowly, then his face pressed completely against my earlobe.

"Wh-wh-what are you doing right now?"

When his cheek—harder than it looked—touched mine, my entire body grew as hot as if plunged into scalding water.

"Greeting."

"Ahhhhh—!"

As his slow, hot breath entered my ear, I could bear it no longer and pushed him away as he pressed close. Had it been Adrienne's body, the force wouldn't even have tickled him, but Bliea's exceptional strength was different. Rhodness's eyes widened in such shock that I succeeded in pushing away his solid chest. Right. Success was good, but...

"Adrienne!"

Without even time to gasp, I tumbled out of the carriage. Someone had thrown the carriage door open! The problem was that as the bone-chilling winter wind struck my back, I reflexively grabbed Rhodness's collar with both hands and fell together with him.

"M-Madam!!"

Damned Gaspar's voice pierced my ears and I squeezed my eyes shut... shut? My body, which I'd expected to sprawl on the cold, hard ground, instead plopped onto something hard but different from the ground.

"Ugh."

The escaping groan was not mine but a thick male voice. I pressed my trembling hands down and opened my eyes wide. I felt slightly dizzy, but I was looking straight ahead—not at the sky or other people's legs. But that was more disastrous for me. Gaspar, the culprit who'd thrown open the carriage door, stood frozen solid with only his mouth hanging open. Yona and Neil, who'd run out at the sound of the carriage, had their hands clamped over their mouths.

"...Madam."

A rough voice, as if suppressed, rose suddenly from below.

"Your Highness!"

I was sitting astride Rhodness's body. The moment I'd started to fall, Rhodness—whose collar I'd grabbed—had clutched me tightly and desperately made his own body fall first.

"Good heavens! Have you two finally had a bout?!"

Neil bounded over, unable to contain his excitement.

"Madam, surely you didn't use your strength?!"

Yona, familiar with Bliea's exceptional vigor, ran over scolding. I immediately climbed off Rhodness's body and grabbed the still-speechless butler as a cane, rising unsteadily. Rhodness too seemed shocked by the sudden event, but his body appeared fine. He also shook his head slightly then sprang up, but Neil had already wedged between us and was making a fuss.

"Wow! How passionate, Madam! Grabbing his collar right away!"

"The collar-grabbing habit remains unchanged."

Neil's voice was excited despite his master being injured, and Yona giggled quietly to herself. The instinct to strike first in a moment of crisis must have been Bliea's usual habit. But wait, how did they know I grabbed his collar? Neil picked up two gold buttons engraved with roses from the ground and showed them on his palm.

"Ah!"

"Quite skilled, Madam. You tore off two sturdy uniform buttons... oof!"

With a heavy thunk, Neil grabbed his Achilles tendon and hopped on one foot. Rhodness had clearly kicked him from behind. Rhodness naturally took the buttons from Neil's hand, then immediately removed not only the outer fur but his uniform jacket and handed them to me. No, more precisely, he placed the buttonless jacket in my hands and the overwhelming black fur he simply draped over my shoulders, fastening the clasps securely. It happened so naturally and quickly that I couldn't even glimpse what expression he wore. After adjusting my clothing for a while, he gripped both my shoulders and lowered his body. I tried to pull back in tension, but the force touching my captured shoulders was too firm and strong to retreat.

"I'll come again, friend."

Against my cold cheek, his cheek—hot as fire—lightly touched. His upturned lips holding the sunlight, his beautiful eyes relaxed lazily, even his pale gold hair sparkling like stars even in bright daylight, slightly tousled—by the time I'd seen all this, time had already passed too slowly for me alone, and he'd already entered the carriage. The complaints similar to what he'd been pouring out continuously brushed my ears too, but the sound didn't register. Like someone who'd been struck across the cheek, I covered the cheek his body heat had swept across with one hand. Gaspar stood silent as if honey-mouthed, Neil looked pleased, and Yona's scolding voice gradually turned black and white while only the color of the jacket he'd left me remained vividly embedded in my vision. Only when the carriage had become a dot and disappeared did I begin to perceive other people's voices and appearances like someone emerging from water. Only then did I realize I was even breathing.

"Even with his collar grabbed, he leaves his jacket—I've never seen His Highness act like this before."

"Don't worry too much, Madam. He doesn't seem like someone who'd get angry just because you grabbed his collar."

A knight in a duel removes his clothing before the fight and hands it to his beloved. To his 'beloved.' A common romantic gesture in Ronteaux. He only gave it because I'd torn off two buttons and he couldn't wear it anymore. He wasn't even a knight in a duel. The black fur he'd personally fastened carried the lavender scent that always emanated when I was near him. Like someone buried in a large blanket, I buried both cheeks in the fur and clutched the jacket he'd left me preciously. Ah. It tickled. Tickled unbearably. An indescribable tickling I couldn't explain with my own words.

Rhodness, boarding the carriage, also covered the cheek that had just touched Adrienne's. The rapidly moving carriage was imperial and didn't rattle much, but his chest seemed to be churning like a mill as he recalled today's events. His face, which had grown hot, cooled. The hand that had carefully covered his cheek now roughly swept up its owner's face. Recalling the bastards he'd met at the Crown Prince's palace, he mercilessly narrowed his brow. His heart raced with anxiety. The desire to stand beside Adrienne as a friend—though it appeared like a calm lake, inside it boiled desperately—and seeing that bastard approach Adrienne boldly claiming to also be her friend, he couldn't hide his burning heart.

"What a childish thing I did."

The memory of begging her not to abandon him felt as vivid as if it had been minutes ago. The bastard who'd said even friendship was fine as long as he could stay by her side had thrown a tantrum demanding she greet him too—how flustered she must have been. He buried his face in both hands, drowning in self-loathing.

Since childhood, he'd pretended to be mature when dealing with Adrienne. His body hadn't been as large as now, his voice not as deeply masculine as now. She might have permitted at least his voice, yet the fact their relationship continued only through written exchanges until the end was actually due to his own cowardice. Though his heart trembled at Adrienne's pure eyes laughing brightly, whenever she seemed not to see him as a man, he fell into despair, and the more desperate he grew, the more he concealed himself.

Recalling the days he'd trained his merely agile body and worked to become the tallest person she knew brought a hollow laugh. Thinking about it, it was natural Adrienne had believed without a shred of doubt that Novian Trovika was him. During the period when his efforts bore fruit and his body grew rapidly, when even his voice became like the man she'd dreamed of, they couldn't meet even masked. Adrienne's health deteriorated and she quit the Academy, and he'd eagerly explained his changed appearance to Adrienne. Recalling how he'd been beside himself with joy at Adrienne's words that she 'looked forward to it' somehow embarrassed him.

'So I did it, a kiss.'

His face grew hot as if someone had set it alight. During that not-particularly-manly period, Adrienne had kissed him! Though she hadn't directly said she'd kissed him, she'd stolen his lips beneath the mask that had slipped in his sleep and fled. Rhodness unconsciously brought his hand to his lips. The fire on his face transferred to his lips, burning hot enough to scorch his hand.

"...I'm going mad."

Going mad. At the fact he couldn't remember it. At the cowardly, petty joy that perhaps he alone possessed Adrienne's first kiss. Rhodness continued stroking his lips while banging his head against the carriage wall. Thunk. Thunk.

'So I did it.'

'So I did it, a kiss.'

Thunk! After one final hard bang, Rhodness frantically tousled his hair.

"How can it be so simple to you?"

A voice mixed with petulance or perhaps fury settled low on the carriage floor.

"...When I'm going mad."

Though he'd been the one to define their relationship first, claiming he'd stay by her side even as a friend, Rhodness felt a dizzying sense of having fallen into a trap of his own making.