LADAD Chapter 39

After Aaron left, Louise slipped quietly through the door and entered. However, Amelia didn't even notice her presence and continued pacing around the bedroom for quite some time.

"What on earth is troubling you so much?"

Louise, unable to bear it any longer, spoke up with a hint of reproach. But even that was like meaningless words passing by Amelia's ears.

Could she really become free? Could she avoid being imprisoned by the ridiculous shackles called the sacred legend? And Ian too—could he avoid death simply for being a boy?

"My lady... Oh my, you startled me."

Amelia, who had been gnawing at her nails with her gaze cast downward, suddenly snapped her head up. Louise, who had approached to try to stop the unresponsive Amelia, was so startled that she stumbled back a step.

"...Why are you acting like this?"

Spending the night with Ivan posed danger to him. Just as Aaron had warned, the moment that fact became known, they would pressure the imperial family and wouldn't hesitate to wage war.

"Don't think that only Louise is keeping watch over you and the child within these palace walls."

But if she defied Aaron's commands, there was no telling what he might do to Ian. The number of servants who brushed past Ian's side was beyond Amelia's ability to track, and among them, who might be Aaron's pawns was even more uncertain.

"What am I to do..."

Mrs. Howard crossed the threshold of Amelia's bedroom. Ian was nestled peacefully in her arms.

"Welcome, Mrs. Howard."

Amelia, who had been sitting in a chair, rose and extended her hands. Mrs. Howard naturally transferred the child into Amelia's arms.

"Thank you."

"Are you truly certain you'll be alright without a wet nurse?"

Of course, Ian found comfort easily by Amelia's side and tended to fall asleep quickly. However, it was worrying to leave Amelia alone with a child who needed to be fed every three hours, without even a wet nurse. That's how Mrs. Howard saw it.

"I'll be fine. In the past, when there was no one to nurse him, I often made porridge for him. Besides, now he only needs feeding once during the night."

But when Amelia spoke so decisively, Mrs. Howard couldn't insist on keeping a wet nurse by her side. From Amelia's perspective, staying in the same bedroom as a servant who might be watching her would be more of a burden.

"If you find yourself unable to sleep due to discomfort, please be sure to call Karen."

That was the best she could do. Amelia nodded with a smiling face.

"I'll do that, so don't worry and go on now."

Mrs. Howard finally took the steps she had been hesitating to take several times. Only then did Amelia feel at ease as she held Ian in her arms and pressed her face against his soft, tender skin. Having had his milk and even taken a nap, Ian seemed to be in a good mood and smiled brightly.

"Are you happy?"

Amelia placed her feet on the chair and laid Ian's body on her thighs. As she moved her thighs, Ian seemed to enjoy the trembling vibrations, flailing his arms in the air and babbling.

"How adorable."

Amelia whispered as she kissed Ian's forehead. She wanted to show this sight to Ivan as well. That's why she had stubbornly insisted on taking him away from the wet nurses and having him sleep in her own bedroom.

"Your father would have said you were cute too if he had seen you."

"A father who doesn't even exist... If I were you, I'd finish the assigned task as quickly as possible and leave freely."

Louise could be heard clicking her tongue as if the situation was beyond hope. Naturally, it was a sound Amelia didn't spare the slightest attention. It was Louise who had reported to Aaron the moment she discovered the child's hair color. Amelia had never once imagined that Louise would find the worthless Ian endearing.

"Louise. I wish to rest in peace, so please take your leave."

"Yes."

"Don't come back until I call for you."

Amelia coldly commanded her to leave the room. Louise took steps toward her own bedroom with a prim expression. Having already finished the meal and with bedtime soon approaching, there seemed to be nothing to take issue with.

Even her final exit was disagreeable. However, her words weren't wrong. If only things could be wrapped up well, he had said that she too, along with Ian, could become free.

"When will Ivan come?"

Amelia muttered.

"You want to see him too, don't you?"

She soon asked Ian with a smiling face. The little one, who didn't yet properly know who his parents were, let out babbling sounds. It sounded like an answer, making her laugh helplessly. Receiving the familiar care of the wet nurses, eating well and sleeping well, he seemed to be growing bigger by the day.

Suddenly, she remembered when Ian had been born not so long ago. Now he had grown so plump and round, but when he was first born, Ian had been truly tiny. And for unknowable reasons, he would wail incessantly, throwing Amelia into a flustered state. Without even borrowing Louise's hands, it was all the more bewildering. Even now, it was difficult to perfectly understand what the child wanted, but back then, the sky truly appeared as yellow haze to her.

"He'll come if you wait just a little."

There were days when she would panic and end up crying along with the child. Because she couldn't understand the child's heart, because there was no one to help, because she missed Ivan, whom she could see reflected in the child's face. She didn't know if Ivan felt the same way at that time.

"...Shall we lie down and rest for a bit?"

She didn't know why such anxious feelings kept arising lately. Amelia shook her head and stood up while holding Ian. Then she laid Ian on the bed and lay down beside him.

"Woo, ahh..."

Unaware of his mother's anxiety, Ian clenched and unclenched his hands, moving busily. Watching that sight, she thought that now that life was livable, other thoughts were probably arising.

How peaceful it was. There had been days when she had wished for just such days when she could watch this scene without worry.

'Let's not think strange thoughts.' Amelia soothed herself as she patted the child's plump belly. Then, as if shutting out her mind that had grown complicated with too many thoughts, her eyes began to close drowsily. Her hand also slowed and eventually came to a stop.

"Sorry, I dozed off for a moment."

If Ian hadn't started crying, she would have really fallen asleep. Amelia instinctively opened her eyes and sat up at the sound of the child crying. Then she pulled down the neckline of her nightgown and gave the child her breast.

"You were hungry."

Naturally, Ian calmed down immediately. Only after confirming that Ian was absorbed in feeding did Amelia cover her mouth with one hand and yawn widely. It was because she was still drowsy.

Only then did she hear and see her surroundings. Through the slightly open window, she could hear the sounds of insects, and dark moonlight was stretched across the bed. It was peace itself.

"Who..."

Except for the unfamiliar figure leaning against the table. Amelia tensed up sharply and pulled Ian close to her, shrinking her body.

"Ivan?"

However, the moment she confirmed the clear golden hair even in the pale moonlight, her wariness was bluntly worn away. At the name Amelia muttered, Ivan, who had been quietly keeping his place, fully straightened up and stood.

"Your reflexes are frighteningly good."

Ivan slowly approached and sat on the edge of the bed.

"He seemed to be crying, so I was going to hold and comfort him, but you woke up first."

At Ivan's words, Amelia nodded with a bewildered expression.

"When did you arrive?"

"About an hour ago."

"You should have woken me."

"You seemed to be sleeping deeply, so I was going to watch for a bit and then leave."

While answering Amelia's questions faithfully, Ivan's gaze was fixed on Ian. Even though he had certainly seen him several times already, his eyes showed that he found the child fascinating. It seemed as if he was recognizing that existence anew.

"He's quite greedy."

Ian seemed still half-asleep with his eyes closed, but even so, he buried his head against her chest and was earnestly suckling.

"Did he take after me?"

Ivan muttered. Ivan's long fingers gently stroked from Ian's forehead to his nose. Only then did Ian open his eyes. Eyes as deep as night, resembling Amelia, were clearly revealed.

"Isn't he pretty?"

Amelia asked in a whisper. Only then did Ivan's gaze leave the child and turn toward Amelia, as if understanding the heart that eagerly awaited an answer even in the dim light.

"Yes."

Ivan's voice was somewhat halfhearted, but he gave Amelia the answer she wanted. Then the faint worry completely disappeared from Amelia's face, along with relief that such pointless emotions were all it had been.

"...He's quite skilled at it."

Of course, that was only until Ivan brazenly let out an exclamation of admiration. Knowing that Ivan's gaze was fixed on the child's face, Amelia somehow became embarrassed and carefully turned her body to the side.