MHHC Chapter 100

Atonement

In the dream they had been lovers, but in "reality," not yet. The feelings that had been deepening seriously toward Valentin had encountered a variable and become stagnant.

Their last conversation, no matter how positively she retraced it, had concluded with something like: she would believe in the possibility of improvement in the future and not refuse unconditionally.

But what about their bodies? Adelheid was a noblewoman of the inner chambers who had never even received proper education about relations between men and women.

No matter how much she had remembered from the dream, that did not make meaningless the things she had upheld in reality.

Propriety, conventions, the values she had established for herself—none of these changed overnight either. If only they had, everything would have been so much easier.

"…"

Just looking at Valentin made her heart race precipitously. The last night Valentin had turned back had lasted a full ten days.

The memories of that long yet brief night now belonged to her as well.

The night she had melted in his arms, given herself to him without calculation.

Was that why? Just meeting his gaze filled her with an expectation she couldn't name. A smooth heat rose from deep within to the surface of her skin.

Was this truly the dream's aftermath, or the influence of mana, or really her own feelings? Before, she would have wondered leisurely about such things, but she could no longer afford to.

Now, if Valentin pleaded, she would not dare refuse. Guilt would become shackles, forcing her actions.

'Is that necessarily a bad thing?'

For an instant, a voice whispered in her mind.

'Even if action is forced, won't you come to love him in the near future anyway? Perhaps… you already want to.'

She felt Valentin's gaze moving slowly.

From her round forehead down the bridge of her nose, past her lips and the pale line of her exposed throat, and when it traveled a bit further below, Adelheid drew a shallow breath.

The curves that stood out beyond the thin single layer of her nightgown were stark. She now knew in full detail what he was looking at, what he desired.

Adelheid lowered her trembling eyelids quietly, like a martyr.

'If this will make Valentin happy, I can endure it. I must endure it.'

Someone seemed to let out a bitter laugh. But when she met his gaze again, Valentin was simply still.

'However much you want, whatever you want, truly anything at all…'

It was around then that the strength drained from Valentin's grip—from hands where veins had bulged with the force he'd applied.

He then withdrew his hands cleanly from her wrists and raised his upper body. From Valentin's calmly settled face, not even a trace of lingering attachment could be felt.

As though he had never had such desire to begin with, he descended from the bed composedly.

"I hope you recover as quickly as possible, Adele."

Adelheid watched with a sense of unreality as Valentin neatly straightened the knight commander's uniform that had been disheveled.

He swept back his hair, fastened the buttons on his sleeves, and smoothed out the clothing that had been thoroughly crumpled by her fingertips, shaking it out until it was pristine.

Soon even the rustling sound of fabric ceased.

Drawing close, he pulled the soft blanket up with his large hand to cover her to the chin. The kiss on her forehead and his gentle admonition were tender.

"Rest a little more. Don't worry about anything right now."

"Wait, Valentin…"

She sat up and urgently grasped Valentin's wrist as he turned away. It was impulse.

Even while her mind understood that he was being considerate, giving her more time—simply because she didn't want to see his back. Valentin looked at her with eyes whose meaning she could not decipher.

When she continued holding Valentin's hand, he sat back down at the head of the bed without resistance.

His straight torso leaned forward slightly to match her seated height.

"Why?"

"Um…"

Now that she had stopped him, she wasn't even clear about what she wanted. Reason asked:

Pull yourself together—do you really intend to spend the night with him? The answer came as a question.

Why not? Well, this isn't love. Then what exactly is love?

The answer caught. In her bewilderment, the moment she raised her gaze, she met Valentin's eyes directly—eyes shadowed with deep emotion.

"…"

He simply gazed at her without the slightest movement.

As though this moment when she had stopped him again, when he was caught by her, were a dream. As though it were an illusion that would shatter completely if he moved carelessly.

Adelheid embraced his solid shoulders with difficulty. Perhaps, this was the first time since that first night in the dream. The first time she had initiated contact with him in this way.

"…"

When Valentin's body trembled at even that frail strength, Adelheid whispered with something like anguish.

"Just for a moment, like this… stay still…"

She could see his Adam's apple slowly rising and falling. In Valentin's golden eyes, which faced hers with just a slight gap between them, countless emotions writhed.

Adelheid gently brushed his eyelids with her delicate fingers.

Valentin, who had been looking at her as though he couldn't understand this situation at all, soon closed his eyes as though surrendering.

It was like witnessing the submission of a predator no one could dare tame. A sad exhilaration.

As though whatever she wanted to do with him, however she might use and abandon him, it didn't matter—once again, so utterly defenseless.

Adelheid cupped his cheeks with both hands. She traced him with her breath across the slight gap between them, just as he had done to her before.

His neat forehead and straight nose bridge, his smooth cheeks reflecting soft light in the moonlight.

Everything was rapturously splendid and beautiful. With each gradual descent, his cool scent filled her nostrils.

Before his lips, where she arrived at last, Adelheid hesitated a little.

Valentin still had his eyes closed. Even though he must have already sensed her hesitation.

"…"

At first, he had been an incomprehensible and frightening existence. The Dragon of Bitzleben, the Shadow—a demon who had stolen the body of her husband, the "Grand Duke," while not even being human.

And the Valentin of now was her first man.

A foolish one who didn't even resent the sinner who had committed terrible acts against her, a tender one who still told a woman unloved by anyone that she was beloved, a steadfast one who endured through countless hours with unchanging sincerity.

All of it gathered to form a single figure. Even that splendid appearance was entirely to her taste. She remembered that first moment when they met, the instant she had flushed at the sight of that face.

"…"

Adelheid brushed his lips with her thumb.

She had thought he was simply expressionless with his eyes closed the whole time, but now she noticed the tips of his ears were unspeakably red. Adelheid asked:

"Why do you love me?"

He answered with his eyes still closed.

"I don't understand the question."

"I was asking which of my qualities pleased you."

Valentin furrowed his brow like someone who had heard something utterly strange. If his eyes had been open, a reproachful look would have flown at her.

"I loved, and it turned out to be you. It's not that I loved you because of some quality."

In that moment, Adelheid lightly took his lips between her own, moved by impulse.

It was something that had always been done to her unilaterally—yet just doing it first herself made transgression surge through her.

Seducing a man first in this manner was what vulgar women did. In her era.

And yet, if only she could feel this sensation, this moment of being with him, a little longer—

Adelheid greedily parted his lips. She entwined more deeply, stealing every one of Valentin's breaths.

He yielded everything to her clumsy plunder without resistance.

When their lips finally separated, he opened his eyes while releasing a sound like a brief moan.

She saw herself reflected in his golden eyes, distorted with confused desire. It felt unspeakably good, and sad at the same time.

"I pity you. For having come to love a woman like me."

"…"

"And I'm sorry. That your unhappiness is the only good thing in my life."

She still didn't know what love was. The princess who had believed she could love even without having received it, and the current "Adelheid"—they were that different.

She didn't want to hurt Valentin by carelessly speaking of love like that princess of the past, nor did she want to abandon his heart while pretending not to know it, as she had before.

Not now, when she had come to fully understand how far Valentin had endured to reach this place.

"…"

Understanding must necessarily underlie love. But understanding someone did not mean one would come to love them entirely.

It was miraculous even for a god. To find just one among countless beings, to have hearts connect, to wish for that person's entire life—

"I want you to stay by my side, Valentin."

Right now, the only thing she could be certain of was not love, but the desire to embrace him with all her strength.

"Just for tonight…"

"…Do you even understand how that sounds?"

His voice was so deeply darkened it seemed to reverberate into her belly.

His twisted eyes, his jaw clenched with the effort of restraint. The intense desire was so vivid it felt tangible. Adelheid nodded readily.

"I know."

"…"

"I know, and still, I've been addressing you formally more than five times now."

She pressed her lips against Valentin's exposed throat above his knight commander's uniform, like a brand.

"So I ask that you make me atone for all of it."

In the next moment, the scene she had been watching flipped. Her body was pulled down, and Valentin cast a shadow overhead.

He devoured Adelheid's lips first, ferociously.

She loved the moments when his clean golden eyes suddenly clouded.

When surging greed or anxiety made them turbid because he couldn't suppress them. He dampened her very gently.