MHHC Chapter 99

An Old Promise

"My memories… come in fragments… scattered… What happened to me?"

"Ten days have passed since you collapsed."

"Ten days…"

Adelheid swept her gaze cautiously around the room, as though retracing her memories.

She had thought the dimness was night, or perhaps that the candles simply hadn't been lit—but rain was falling.

Rain that seemed to tear the clouded sky apart. Fat droplets hammered against the windowpanes, raising a clamor. Just like that day.

"Are you cold?"

She was trembling. He drew her shaking body gently into his arms.

Adelheid saw the vein standing out starkly on the back of his hand where it clasped her. When she thought back, he had always held her this way—with such desperation, as though she might vanish somewhere in an instant if he loosened his grip even slightly.

And yet, even in that urgency, he never caused her pain. That understanding, that consideration, cut through her.

"I'll call for the doctor."

When color failed to return to her pallid face even after he poured mana into her, Valentin released Adelheid and rose.

She grasped his wrist—to beg him not to leave her behind. But when she met Valentin's eyes as he looked down at her, her words caught in her throat.

"…"

What right did she have to plead with him for anything? She clearly possessed neither shame nor dignity.

Adelheid swallowed the words that had risen to the tip of her tongue. She was hesitating, releasing even the remaining strength from the hand that had held him, when—

Valentin seized her slender wrist before it could fall away, his grip fierce.

"If you held on, it means you want me to stay. Why did you let go again?"

His golden eyes had deepened without her noticing, gleaming in the darkness. The yearning embedded in his sunken voice was enough to make this entire situation feel unreal—as though it were not reality at all.

Being held by him in such an intimate space made heat rise through her like habit. Again, without shame or dignity.

"Don't let go."

The memories of that long night in the dream bloomed one by one from where their skin touched. Adelheid gazed quietly down at her own wrist where he held it, then opened her mouth.

"Why… did you come looking for me?"

"…"

"You should have left me to live miserably and die in this life too."

It was resentment, in the end. And yet it was utterly sincere.

How could he come seeking love from a woman who had betrayed him?

For someone shameless enough to have forgotten even her original sin, revenge and hatred would have been appropriate—not this, not cradling her as though the mere sight of her filled him with tenderness.

As though sensing her sincerity, the faint trace of a smile that had been hovering at Valentin's lips slowly faded.

Soon, with an expressionless face, he moved only his lips to speak.

"Because you were unhappy."

"…"

"If you were going to abandon me and leave, you should have been happy. You should have lived better than anyone else—so well that I wouldn't even dare to covet you again."

"I don't understand how you can say that. The sin I committed, what I did to you…"

"You argued that you and the 'Adelheid' of the previous life were not the same. Remember?"

Valentin swept his disheveled hair back, cutting off her words.

"If what you said is true, then what exactly did you do wrong in this life?"

"But now… I know everything, don't I? You were the one who argued that if the memories exist, then we are the same being, Valentin."

"There is only one memory you need to hold onto, Adele. That from the very beginning, your husband was me."

He grasped her chin and lifted it, forcing her averted gaze back to his.

"Not this shell."

The strength in his fingers felt a touch too forceful—because he had lost his composure, just for an instant. His voice rasped, splitting as he whispered.

"So don't turn away."

"…"

"You must keep your promise now—to pity only me."

"…"

"We have to live. Together."

I kept all my promises to you, his eyes said. I came to you wearing human flesh, I tried to see what you saw, I called your name.

Even the promise to tell you everything—I honored your wishes, though I knew it would crush you with guilt…

So now it's your turn to keep your promise.

He demanded the fulfillment of their promises so thoroughly, so calculatingly, that it seemed almost mercenary—and yet when one looked closely, there was no visible profit to be gained from this calculation.

Nothing except her.

Valentin's thumb caressed Adelheid's pallid lips, as though trying to open a passage for her stifled breath.

"If you're truly sorry, then don't run away. Endure it, Adelheid. Before me. Beside me."

Ah. She clenched her jaw, trying to hold back a sob.

What strange salvation this was. Clean tears welled in her pale green eyes.

Unable to bear it any longer, she lowered her burdened gaze, and the pooled tears spilled down her cheeks and onto the back of his hand in heavy drops.

For a long while she could not even form words, only clutching at Valentin's clothing.

Valentin stroked her hesitant shoulders as though soothing her. She blinked her damp eyes.

"Why… do you… go so far for me…"

"Because I love you, Adele."

Love. No other word could be more ill-suited to her than this.

She tried to let out a bitter laugh, but her lips remained frozen, refusing to move.

Her eyes, which had been staring at Valentin in bewilderment, twisted for an instant.

From the moment of her birth, everything had been sinful.

Her very existence was sinful, her inability to face the world with dignity was sinful, the abilities she had not been born with were sinful—and so being hated had seemed only natural.

Sometimes, crushed by that nameless guilt, even breathing had felt burdensome.

Even when she hadn't known that all of this was a curse she had brought upon herself, originating from her original sin.

She had lived a life where only her breath remained attached to a corpse.

Each time she was reborn and died, each time she repeated that painted misery—

It was the resignation carved into her soul, made wretched just as Morig had desired. She must not dare to want anything, must have neither likes nor dislikes, merely picturing some small patch of ground to sustain herself as though it were paradise.

Such an existence could not be called "living." Perhaps it was more like livestock bound by the shackles of fate.

Mistaking pity for affection, abuse for discipline, deception for tenderness… she wanted to bid farewell now to those terrible years when she could not endure without blinding her own eyes.

"May I…"

Her voice, crushed by gasping sobs, was a wreck.

"May I dare… even so… be allowed?"

It was a voice that had barely sprouted, like a winter seedling breaking through ice.

Even after speaking the words aloud, Adelheid shrank back as though she had committed yet another sin.

Despite the absurdity of it all, Valentin smiled a little.

She was asking if she might be allowed to live by his side—just that—and yet the way her eyes had gone blank, as though she had spent every ounce of courage in her entire life just to ask such a small thing, was helplessly endearing.

"Please do."

"…"

"I want to see you not merely daring to live, but even desperately desiring something. I want to see you laugh at good things, recoil from things you hate, achieve, covet, insist on having your way."

"…"

"I want to be part of every moment of your life like that."

He was the first person who had ever told her he wanted to see such things.

The first who had said he wanted to share such moments with her. Even in the memories she had glimpsed through Valentin's recollections—through the painful repetitions of her lives—there had been no one like that.

He gently smoothed her damp cheeks as she stared up at him in a daze.

"And please, please stop with the formal address now."

"Ah…"

She had completely forgotten.

Was it a side effect of being trapped in the dream for so long? Even the resolve she had made in that final moment—not to run from his feelings—felt hazy.

"I—"

He leaned his head a little closer, as though he wanted to hear her voice, now sinking into a whisper, more clearly.

Their gazes met. Adelheid could now find the form of the god from her dream within Valentin. How could she possibly dare, with such a being—

"I don't think I can…"

She couldn't do it. Please, take back that command.

The moment she opened her mouth to say so, Valentin bent down and devoured her lips.

His soft tongue, forcing her damp lips apart and surging inside, tasted salty and sour—the mingled taste of her tears.

He moved with the utmost care. Infinitely gentle, as though trying to soothe her, yet leaving behind every pleasant stimulus without fail.

It felt like sinking together into wetness. Without realizing it, Adelheid dug her nails into Valentin's solid forearm and clung to him.

When her eyes finally unfocused into a haze, he gently withdrew his lips. His mouth, glistening with her saliva, curved into a wicked smile.

"It can't be helped. We'll just have to train your body until it becomes habit."

Train your body. At those brazenly physical words, Adelheid flushed despite the situation. No matter how sinful she might be, this exceeded the bounds of her propriety.

"You're… too much…"

Ah. Again. Adelheid barely managed to receive him as he pressed down on her once more.

If the first kiss had been purely gentle, this was a different kind of stimulus altogether. The soft places were filled without gaps, heat rising until a shiver ran down her spine.

With their lips entwined languorously, her body slowly tipped backward until at last her back met the bed.

Both her wrists were pinned down, held without pain. Valentin slowly withdrew his lips. A thin thread of saliva connected them, then snapped.

His eyes, gleaming bright yellow in the darkness, swept over her slowly. Her eyes, red and swollen from crying. The pale line of her exposed throat. Her plump lips, dampened.

"…"

Adelheid looked up at him, forcing herself to swallow her tension. She could see clearly how this would unfold from here.

Because the look in his eyes, darkened with yearning, was exactly the same as in the dream.