RAMHM Chapter 94

Not dying.

Me too.

'Me too, not as your friend...'

I should say I want to envision a future as lovers. But my throat feeling completely blocked wasn't just a feeling. Weakly tapping the shoulder of Rhodness who held me while muttering like a madman, I barely escaped him. Before he could pull me back again, anxious even at that small gap—urk!—I vomited a blood clot. Rhodness froze like someone who'd forgotten how to breathe. Twisting my body in agony, I groped at my side where terrible pain had struck—pain I hadn't felt during the chaos.

"Adrienne!"

"Ugh..."

A dagger was embedded there. Marge and Yona, trembling in the corner after grasping the situation, suddenly screamed.

"That woman, that woman did it! That damned bitch!"

The moment Marge's scream echoed through the warehouse, the figure who'd briefly lost consciousness in the corner stirred and rose. Neil, who'd rushed in as if tumbling after settling the outside situation, went where Yona was jumping and pointing, restraining the old woman. The old woman, eyes bloodshot red, confirmed Rhodness and trembled while smiling at me. She'd clearly stabbed me while I was stunned after Rhodness appeared. The pain I hadn't felt earlier flooded in like a tide, and Rhodness urgently repositioned me in his arms.

"Rho, Rhodness..."

"Adrienne, Adrienne...!"

My mouth that had vomited blood clots must look even more grotesque contrasted against my pale skin. Rhodness's violently contorted eyes examined me frantically, while simultaneously his large hand moved toward my side where the dagger was still embedded. I screamed at the ghastly pain I'd never felt in my life.

"It hurts, it hurts..."

"Just a moment, just wait please. Please don't die."

Looking at Rhodness's desperately pale face, I suddenly realized. Ah. I love this man. As terrible, unbearable pain flooded in, as blood soaked half my dress. Even when I'd faced Sophie with a dagger. Even when like the day I'd died in Adrienne's body, my eyes were open but I couldn't see anything... Not Novian Trovika's face, but Rhodness's face came first to mind. Enough to hope Rhodness wouldn't suffer or grieve seeing me like this. How could his face haunt me every time I thought of death, unless I loved this man?

I've come to love Rhodness this much.

So I smiled. Right before losing consciousness. Even if I died like this, I thought I'd be just slightly okay. I'd completely erased Novian from my mind. Just thinking of Rhodness left alone tore my heart apart, yet somehow I was filled with joy... I thought.

Rhodness's shock was beyond imagination. Shaking with fury at even going to the Grand Ducal Estate, he moved with blood-soaked Adrienne to his own townhouse—practically an abandoned place. The hastily summoned doctor was informed he couldn't leave the estate even one step until Adrienne regained consciousness. Since the one giving orders was that Second Prince, naturally the doctor couldn't utter a word of protest.

For three straight days Rhodness didn't sleep, keeping vigil by the bed where Adrienne lay. Then from the fourth day after her collapse, he harassed those around him like someone deranged. Neil thought it was his lord's way of expressing anxiety. Rhodness couldn't even bring himself to hold Adrienne's pale hand, just stared at her as if glaring, and whenever even a groaning sound slipped from her mouth—whether midnight or dawn—he'd wake all the servants and drag the doctor by the collar to present him before her. Then from the fifth day, some wind must have blown—he spread rumors that Count Bliea Acacia, the Crown Princess's lady-in-waiting and also the Crown Prince's assistant, had been attacked by bandits.

He'd tried moving quietly following Adrienne's method, but judged it would be difficult to secretly bring renowned physicians without spreading such rumors. Rhodness, who'd immediately moved Adrienne to Count Acacia's estate, was tormenting doctors daily. Adrienne's face, breaking into cold sweats and appearing to suffer nightmares, held no color whatsoever. Rhodness naturally recalled the moment he'd faced Adrienne's corpse in the Grand Ducal Estate's basement.

"...Don't die."

Cursing himself for being able to utter only those words.

The dream world was cruel. After showing me a brilliant childhood, it endlessly dragged me to that moment of realizing truth stained with betrayal and deceit. Me sitting affectionately with Novian to paint a marital portrait, knowing nothing. The back of young Rhodness rushing to the battlefield to propose to her—that foolishly innocent, idiotic woman. Inside newspapers proclaiming us the couple of the century. It showed without filter cruel visions of Rhodness's face despairing while looking at my shy smile. I watched from afar, weeping, as he crumbled with a face stained by distrust, despair, and finally fury and resignation. Don't abandon me. Please, don't run away. The voice I'd been hearing continuously from some point grew louder in my ears. Don't abandon me please. Don't die. The voice telling me not to die grew louder, then I escaped that distant vision—my eyes snapped open.

The sunlight that must have been warming my face became pain as it seeped into my eyes. I blinked my still unfocused eyes slowly, struggling to see the figure before me. Rhodness stood there, his face far more broken than the despairing face in the vision.

"Not dying... I'm not dying."

For words spoken immediately upon regaining consciousness, I might have seemed like a madwoman, but still caught between vision and reality, those words came out automatically upon seeing Rhodness's face. Eyes that had looked like they were watching a corpse rise gradually widened at my words, then crumpled violently. He barely closed his mouth trying to crumple with it, veins bulging in his neck as he swallowed the tear-choked lament and frantically yanked the bell pull.

Five doctors rushed in like well-trained knights. I answered their questions earnestly while glancing at Rhodness standing at a distance watching me. He stood there looking at me like someone in a dream. Even as the doctors concluded nothing was wrong with my body, said they'd bring medicine, and left, Rhodness didn't speak a single word. Only when I reached for a water glass to wet my parched throat did he stride over, taking the glass himself and bringing it to my lips. Having drunk the water like a baby bird, I finally looked up at Rhodness who'd approached.

His always smoothly gleaming face had become haggard, his cleanly shaved jaw now sprouting coarse stubble. The lips that always disturbed my heart were rough and chapped like someone who hadn't touched a drop of water. When I gently grasped his arm holding the water glass and pulled it toward me, he came obediently, sitting on the bed's edge. But his face remained frozen hard like someone angry. I reached out a trembling hand to stroke his stubbled jaw. Only then did he flinch.

"Why is your face so ruined..."

Rhodness, whose face had been subtly contorting, snorted lowly. But his face remained frozen.

"Your face is more ruined."

"Ah."

"Do you even know how many days it's been since you woke up?"

Though the words were reproachful, his voice trembled pathetically. As I flinched at the dramatic emotional changes emerging from that frozen face, Rhodness gripped tight the fingers that had been stroking his jaw and pulled me into his arms. The now-familiar body scent and faint medicinal smell. He'd probably been the one pouring medicine into my mouth this entire time in this room.

"If you'd died, I wasn't going to forgive."

"!"

"Not you. Me."

A person could sob without tears. His voice was damp like water drawn from a deep well. He wasn't crying, yet my eyes welled up. I felt like I'd finally completely escaped the vision and returned to reality. But the pitiful, large back of Rhodness in that vision kept coming to mind, making my nose sting.

"If you'd died, I would have followed you in death."

Even without him saying it, I knew. The day he confirmed Adrienne's corpse, he'd been the man who'd mercilessly pressed that terrifying blue blade to his own throat. Rhodness said I hadn't opened my eyes for a week, that it wouldn't have been strange if I'd died. Before that I'd also hit my head hard in the carriage accident and lost consciousness. Or perhaps because the soul and body had different owners, I was vulnerable even to this level of shock. When I voiced that thought, Rhodness with a pale face said to travel with at least fifty guards. And that he'd personally guard me whenever possible.

"I'm glad you've recovered, Madam."

Neil also looked slightly haggard, having suffered mentally. Understandably so, given Rhodness's gaze toward Neil opening the door was icy.

"Why are you still here when I told you to return home?"

"My apologies. I was also worried about the Madam..."

I looked at him with slightly surprised eyes. Neil definitely glanced at my haggard face, bowed his head deeply, and apologized sincerely.

"I should have escorted the Madam first before handling business. I'm deeply sorry."

"It's fine."

"It's not fine."

Since I'd been the one heading to the Grand Ducal Estate without waiting for Neil, impatient as I was, I was about to forgive him when Rhodness interrupted. Neil sighed deeply as if he'd expected this.

"...The prisoner says she wants to see the Madam when I informed her of your news."

"Seems she deserves at least that much torture. Torment the others until they talk too. Demanding to see the Madam and such nonsense—burn out their mouths so they can't spew that shit."

"...They need mouths to talk."

"I'll go."

Before Rhodness's anger could reach Neil, who wore a thoroughly apologetic expression while not forgetting to talk back with sound logic, I struck first. As I rose from my seat tottering, Neil turned around in surprise. Only then did I realize I wore only a thin negligee. Rhodness mercilessly kicked Neil's Achilles tendon, and as he hastily exited, Yona entered with tears brimming in her eyes. Having apparently grasped the situation from outside the open door, a dressing gown already hung over Yona's arm. Though my side still throbbed, I smiled at Rhodness watching with disapproval as Yona helped me into the gown.

"Don't smile at me like that—I'm not falling for it anymore."

"Can't you fall for it a little?"

When I spoke almost petulantly, Rhodness immediately made a dumbfounded face, pressed his temples firmly, then scrubbed his face roughly with dry hands. Rising abruptly from where he'd been casually perched on the sofa's armrest, he swept me up before I could protest. Though my side twinged from surprise, I clearly saw Rhodness's tightly shut mouth loosen slightly.

"Even if you blatantly deceive me, I'm the kind of fool who can only let you."