RAMHM Chapter 95

I Love You

The estate servants startled the moment they saw me emerge, their faces lighting with relief—but whether because of Rhodness or simple caution, they didn't dare approach, bowing their heads from a distance as they passed.

"Marge, where's Marge?"

"I told her to rest."

"The head maid held a sword to me. Marge threw herself in front of it."

Even thinking about it again filled me with that overwhelming gratitude. I swallowed back the emotion threatening my voice.

"...Better than me, then."

Rhodness murmured it low, already heading toward the stables outside the estate. Unlike the Grand Ducal Estate, the Count's residence had no underground dungeon—they'd cleared the stables to create a makeshift prison instead. The security, however, was tight. Vincento acknowledged me with a brief inquiry after my health before bowing and disappearing. Not wanting Sophie to see me cradled in Rhodness's arms, I struggled until he set me down without protest. The door creaked open to reveal men already beaten to pulp, sprawled in one stall. In the farthest stall, Sophie waited. She'd aged ten years in a few days—huddled in the corner until footsteps approached, then crawling desperately to the wooden bars and hauling herself upright.

"I'll tell you! I'll tell you everything!"

I studied her in silence. We'd both heard those men planning to kill not just me but Sophie herself—eliminate everyone. She hadn't forgotten. The desperation poured out of her.

"The Crown Princess. The Crown Princess ordered it! Doris Castagna! No, Doris Ronteaux now. That woman ordered it! She told me to kill you!"

"...What else did she order?"

"That woman, that woman! She told me to torment the dead Grand Duchess, to isolate her in the estate! I only looked away when cruel maids insulted the poor Grand Duchess—that's my only crime! And the Grand Duchess wasted away and died, so in the end, you could capture the Grand Duke's heart! Isn't that right?!"

The sound of Rhodness grinding his teeth reached me even from where I stood.

"The Grand Duchess died lonely, but thanks to that, you became the next Grand Duchess, at least for a time! You have to acknowledge my contribution! Let me live! Please! You could stay so pretty because of me!"

"...Why did Doris order you to torment the dead Grand Duchess?"

"Obvious, isn't it? Jealousy! How many years has that woman been dyeing her hair blonde and copying the Pirreta Princess!"

"Did Doris also order you to kill the Grand Duchess?"

"Not me! I didn't! I didn't kill her! She was in a state where she could die any day, always watching for the maids the Imperial Household sent—of course she'd waste away! Doris probably wanted the Grand Duchess to die drowning in loneliness and suffering rather than from poison, don't you think?"

My fist clenched tight despite having no strength. Rage surged at the confirmation that Doris had instigated and encouraged that senseless cruelty. Suspecting something and hearing it confirmed were worlds apart. But my heart—already ground down by Novian—held firm. Then suddenly my body lifted into the air.

Rhodness had finally picked me up. I'd thought he was holding steady too, but apparently not. The scenery blurred as he strode back to the estate in long, rough steps, showing no sign of strain as he climbed the stairs three or four at a time, carrying me straight back to the bedroom. The door slammed shut. My feet touched the floor. He pulled me back against him.

"...If you were going to marry someone else, you could have at least been happy."

The rasp of his stubble grazed my earlobe, the nape of my neck. He'd been swallowing his tears the entire time. Now he broke.

"You endured hearing that every single day? Listening to that garbage from people who thought you were dead..."

My heart—already scarred and healed over so many times—felt strangely numb. But Rhodness was devastated as if he'd taken the blows himself. Rage boiled into tears that soaked my shoulder. I shook my head quietly.

"Not every single day."

"Liar. From the moment you entered this woman's body, through all hundred days of the funeral—you were in hell. And I helped put you there."

He remembered the confusion over my identity. Cursed himself over and over.

"Every moment of despair, every time the world went dark. Every time you felt disgusted with yourself for being fooled like an idiot..."

I pulled away from him, turned, and touched the twisted corners of his eyes with a smile.

"It was okay because someone told me Adrienne wasn't that kind of fool."

I placed my hand on Rhodness's solid chest where he still held my shoulders. His heart pounded against my palms.

"There was this idiot who thought I was lovely and wise and brave... So even though it was late, I wanted to become that person for real. That's how I endured."

That feeling of death creeping close again. The face I'd thought of when staring it down. The realization that I'd buried deep—that even if I learned the truth, nothing else mattered. The persistent longing I'd kept hidden. The boy who'd despaired endlessly in that fantasy, and the man's retreating back. I traced up his trembling chest to the scar on his neck—the mark left by a man who'd chosen death in a world without me. A choked sound fell from above my head. My side pulled sharp, but I used every bit of strength to wrap my arms around his neck and look up at him. More haggard than me despite everything, yet still devastated over my pain—as Rhodness filled my vision, I didn't need to think about what I truly wanted. My heart knew.

"I don't want to be friends either."

The impulse came first, but when his dazed face met mine, my mind went blank. I gathered every scrap of courage and forced my mouth open.

"I want to get closer to you too."

I know it's selfish.

"Like you said, if you kissed this body, these lips—it might make me a little sad."

"Adrienne?"

"I... I care about you so much, An. More than before. I've grown to care about you more. The only reason I could endure all this was because of you—it would have been impossible otherwise. I don't want to lose you either..."

Rhodness's eyes went wide at the unexpected confession.

"But I don't even know how I died yet. I don't know who's my enemy or my friend. No matter how much you say it's okay, I'm so worried about putting you in danger again. And doing anything with you while I'm in Bliea's body still feels wrong... So can you give me a little more time?"

I smiled bitterly and tightened my arms around his neck.

"Can you... understand someone like me?"

Rhodness looked down at me for just a moment with distant eyes. He seemed to want me to say it again, but my courage had reached its limit.

"How could I not understand?"

He didn't wait any longer, burying his face deep in my neck like a child seeking comfort. The fine hairs at my ear stood on end.

"Now that you've said that to me... even if you were in that senile old hag's body instead of this one, I couldn't let you go."

"That's..."

"You know what, Adrienne?"

Rhodness's large hand pressed the back of my head firmly against his chest. His heart pounded so hard against my ear I thought it might burst.

"What?"

"I'm crazier than you think."

I wanted to see his face. When I pulled back slightly, his arm immediately circled my waist.

"You think I'd give you up just because I can't touch your lips? I wandered battlefields even when you were beside another man, somewhere I couldn't even touch your fingertips—my heart never went out."

The subtle, slightly dazed expression on Rhodness's face slowly began to glow. This wasn't the face of someone who'd just heard the absurd statement that kissing me might make me sad. Rather, it was as if a downpour called joy had broken over his head—his expression brightening by degrees. The feeling was strange.

"If you want, I'll shave my head and become some monk in a distant foreign land."

Unable to contain his overflowing happiness, he was saying anything. I moved to smack him in reproach—thump—but Rhodness caught my fist the moment it landed, wrapping it in his large, warm hand. Then he pulled me into a breathless embrace, tight enough I worried about my wounded side splitting open.

"I love you."

Ah. Was this what it felt like?

"I love you, Adrienne."

The feeling Rhodness had when he heard me say I wanted to get closer.

"That diary. I tried translating some of it."

Rhodness had spent a long time holding Adrienne and murmuring to himself, unable to tell dream from reality. Only as the sun began setting did he finally return to his senses and begin speaking. Someone kept lifting his heart to the sky and dropping it, then lifting it again and dropping it—he couldn't focus on work at all. But when Adrienne, who'd been quietly nestled against him, brought up the diary, he couldn't delay any longer.

"It wasn't recording daily life. There were many proper nouns."

A few minutes ago, Adrienne had twitched her eyebrows slightly, indicating they should return to formal speech. Rhodness complied without complaint.

"Must you say all this while holding my hand?"

"How can I believe it otherwise?"

Unlike his proper left hand, his right hand gripped hers as if she might escape somewhere. Adrienne pushed at it, feeling a bit stifled. But the moment she did, he looked as dejected as Cowan deprived of treats—and didn't some invisible ears seem to droop? A strange phantom image overlaid the scene. No one was watching, yet her heart had already softened considerably toward Rhodness when it came to the hand sneaking up under the table.

"Anyway, so?"

Surrendering to yet another creeping hand, she offered hers like giving a child a rattle. Adrienne pretended not to notice the corners of his mouth creeping upward as she asked again.

"The content seemed to be about herbs or reagents. The only thing I could identify using dictionaries available in Ronteaux was something trivial—like hair dye."

"Hair dye?"

"Some drug that changes hair to black for a few weeks."

At Rhodness's casual remark, the hand he held automatically tensed. He paused, eyes narrowing.

"You know this drug...? Don't tell me?"

Rhodness's gaze immediately went to her lush hair. Adrienne nodded quietly.

"Ha."

His face, flushed since hearing Adrienne's feelings, went cold.

"They really do everything, don't they."

"It was blonde originally. My hair."

Rhodness's mouth snapped shut. He looked a bit surprised.

"Why didn't you tell me?"

The slightly hurt question made Adrienne smile awkwardly.

"I didn't hide it on purpose. I was too shocked myself... And changing hair color doesn't necessarily mean she was plotting something major."

"..."

"What's a bit strange is—if you don't apply the drug periodically, your hair returns to its original color the moment it touches water. Like magic."

His straight eyebrows twitched throughout her explanation, then relaxed at the word "magic."

"If that diary contains information about other drugs, we need to investigate. Prince Epero is in the capital anyway, and even if Prince Viktor doesn't know what the herbs are, he could at least tell us the exact names."

Though—is it normal for him not to show his face when his attendant had an accident like this? Adrienne's eyes shifted at the thought. Silence settled over the room.

"Did Prince Epero and Lord Viktor not visit at all?"

"...I don't know."

Rhodness's face when he said that looked anything but ignorant.