YMPDKMA Chapter 36

Rupert was merciless to the weak. That much was certain.

A boy who never once considered showing consideration because I was beneath him. Who knew full well I had no choice but to obey him whether he treated me kindly or not. Clever and cruel. Accustomed to authority in equal measure.

Rupert stood there watching me in nothing but a thin shirt. The bitter winter wind cut through his collar, but he showed no interest in reclaiming his coat.

I finally understood the source of the dissonance I'd been feeling. Rupert was a more complicated person than I'd anticipated. The disconnect I felt toward him was stronger than what I'd experienced when I first saw how he treated Tori. Yet it drew the same response from me.

I hated this feeling.

I was truly terrified that Rupert might become the merciless, cold absolute ruler from my memories—but it was more revolting when he showed human qualities that contradicted those memories. My stomach churned. My chest tightened. An unbearable nausea rose inside me. Nothing was more horrifying than confirming he was human, just like me.

The Emperor was a cruel monster with blue blood, created by the imperial family. That selfish monster cared only for himself, devouring Father and Bellua without distinguishing between cause and effect. And indeed, having returned to the past, I'd stayed by Rupert's side long enough to confirm his cruelty.

'Oh God.'

But I must have felt relief without realizing it. Staying beside a child while hiding a knife in my heart. Letting sweet words fall from my lips, trying to make him trust me. I'd rationalized this behavior because Rupert wasn't an ordinary child.

Yet Rupert occasionally acted human with that indifferent face. As if that tenderness were mere habit, his expression remained emotionless. Objectively speaking, he was kind—at least to Tori.

'But...'

Did he intend to be that way with me too?

In the end, he would become a true monster who would kill even Tori, whom he'd cherished so much, with his own hands. But I didn't want to witness even the parts of Rupert that 'remained' human. The reason was the same as why alchemy disturbed me. The difference between a manufactured monster and an innate one was too stark.

I desperately hoped Rupert's violence was an innate brutality with no hope of redemption. If I'd had the power and opportunity, I would have killed the present Rupert despite knowing he wasn't yet the future Rupert I knew, despite knowing he'd done me no harm yet. Without hesitation or guilt. By any means necessary.

I resented Rupert, who was nothing more than a boy. Enough to disgust myself with how much I could hate another person. Hating a child who hadn't yet sinned against me was unproductive, yet I couldn't stop. But I could give this absurd hatred its own justification.

'Because there's a reason.'

A vast difference existed between hating someone this intensely after they'd harmed you, and hating them when they'd committed no crime against you—the difference between heaven and earth. So the fundamental reason for hatred mattered.

If Rupert was a monster with justification, then there was no difference between the Emperor and me, consumed by hatred.

'Then where does this hatred go?'

Rupert had to remain a monster with an eternally cold heart. I found that fact disturbing, but unable to do anything about it, I exhaled the breath I'd been holding and pushed it from my mind. I could postpone this worry a bit longer. Survival came first. The warmth lingering in the coat Rupert had forced on me was, absurdly, quite warm. My trembling subsided.

I tried not to sneer as I opened my mouth.

"Thank you, Your Highness."

He neither stopped nor looked back, so I couldn't confirm whether he'd heard me. His thin back, glowing pale white in the darkness it couldn't absorb, caught my eye for no reason. When I grabbed Rupert's shirt fluttering in the wind, he stopped dead and shook me off.

"What."

"The coat. It's warm."

"Why else would I give it if not because it was cold? Don't state the obvious, idiot."

"I was saying thank you."

He looked at me with annoyed eyes, as if he couldn't understand my words, then grabbed me and pulled me in front of him. He immediately raised his hand and squeezed my plump cheek, ready to burst, with one hand. I protested in a mangled voice while trying to escape Rupert's grip.

"Dah's nod fai'!"

"...Like a dumpling."

He scrutinized my face, ruined by his doing, as if observing it, then pushed me away like he'd touched something dirty. Rupert watched me stumble, unable to find my balance, with a pathetic expression, then walked on without waiting for me.

He stopped in front of Riche's house. The moment that beautiful red brick house, befitting its owner, came into view, I'd guessed this was his destination.

Beatrice Gorten.

Because Rupert wanted to use my friend who had always been kind and affectionate to me—at least until recently. I shook my head, picturing her elegant water-colored hair.

"Your Highness, I understand why you're wary of Gorten, but Riche knows nothing. She's too young."

My persuasion wasn't for Riche's sake—I'd do anything to gain Rupert's favor. I was certain that just as I hadn't known about Bellua during this period, Riche didn't know about Gorten either. She'd wanted to escape Gorten, if anything.

Rupert let out something not quite a laugh, more like a sigh of disbelief, then spun around and took back his coat. Without the warm coat covering my shoulders, my body trembled again.

"You really know nothing. How can you be this ignorant?"

"What..."

"Do you think a cunning person like Gorten pushed his daughter into the imperial palace for no reason?"

"It's not like that. His Lordship didn't put Riche in the palace—she decided on her own. Like me."

"Ah, so she entered the palace with no purpose whatsoever and now comes and goes from the shopping district trying to find my weakness somehow. What a woman."

I pressed my lips together at Rupert's sarcasm. I had no response. Riche had wanted to escape Gorten, but until the moment I died, she remained under Gorten's protection. I had no idea what feelings she harbored toward Rupert. I went over Rupert's words once more.

How could I be this ignorant?

"What do you want me to do?"

Instead of answering, he rummaged in his pocket, pulled out a piece of obsidian the size of a fingernail, and grabbed my lips. His touch was so rough that calling it "grabbing" felt like a euphemism. I even frowned as I glared at him.

"Swallow it."

"Wh-what is this?"

"It won't kill you, so swallow."

I didn't want to consume anything Rupert gave me, but his momentum was so threatening I had no choice but to swallow without protest. After confirming I'd gulped it down, Rupert slowly muttered strange words while placing his hand on my forehead.

The moment his hand touched my forehead, my throat burned and my head spun.

"What... is this? Your Highness, this isn't poison, right?"

"What would I gain from killing you?"

The rebuke was brief. Rupert kept muttering without pause. Strange words, not quite language—more like beast cries—scattered through the air, and this time my eyes became unbearably hot. When I frowned, Rupert slowly brushed my eyes with his long fingers. The strange heat disappeared after heating my ears one last time.

I backed away, resenting Rupert, who stood there with an indifferent face, one hand shoved in his pants pocket.

"That hurt!"

"Sorry."

He apologized perfunctorily and shrugged. Not apologizing would have been less irritating. I pressed my hand against my eye where he'd touched it and huffed.

"What is this?"

"For the time being, you'll share vision and hearing with me."

"What? Share what?"

"Everything you hear and see, and everything I hear and see."

I gaped at this outrageous statement. This lunatic! Of all things to share!

"N-no! Take it out!"

"Can't."

"I don't want this!"

"I need information about Gorten. Can't help it."

"I told you I'd tell you everything! I won't lie!"

"I don't trust you that much yet."

"B-but, still, no!"

When I turned pale, Rupert raised a thick eyebrow and approached me, looking suspicious.

"Why. Are you hiding something from me?"

"It's not that..."

"Then what?"

Unable to bear it, I screamed in frustration.

"How am I supposed to use the lady's room!"