YMPDKMA Chapter 37

Rupert paused. Just for a moment. An embarrassing silence flowed beneath the dark wall. Having suddenly shouted, I felt embarrassed too late and waited for him to speak. Unable to bear his look of exasperation, my head tilted to the side before drooping. Rupert grabbed my chin, which had been boring holes in the innocent ground, and growled irritably.

"I won't look."

"What?"

"Do you know how much this thing you swallowed eats away at my nerves?"

"It... eats away?"

"If I don't concentrate, I can't see anything. I won't look at that."

His indifferent words showed no consideration for my embarrassment, but I felt relieved. At least we could avoid mutually embarrassing situations—though whether Rupert would even feel embarrassed was questionable.

"Go in."

"Right now? I'm not mentally prepared yet..."

"Don't make me say it twice."

I hadn't even thought about how to approach Riche yet, but he raised his eyes sharply at me standing there dumbly. Without laying a hand on me, Rupert successfully pushed me toward Riche's house.

I hesitated at the stairs and looked back at him, but he walked away without even glancing at me. Heartless bastard. I grumbled internally as I headed toward the red brick house.

Each step felt so heavy and frightening. After returning to the past, I'd steeled myself for many things, but I hadn't expected to lose Riche. She'd been my friend for more than half of my short but complete life. Riche with her elegant, water-colored hair. With her slender, willowy body like a soft branch, always dressed in refined clothing.

Riche had disapproved of how deeply I agreed with Bellua's family traditions. She'd said with a firm face that one should carve out one's own life. So she must have nothing to do with Rupert's affairs. No, she had to have nothing to do with them.

Please.

I didn't want to taint even the memory of running through the rose garden together on hot Bellua summer days, bickering all the while. If Gorten truly was checking Rupert, why hadn't he warned my father? Why hadn't she said anything to me?

"Riche."

I forced my stiff lips to relax and rang the bell. Unlike my last visit, the door opened immediately. The maid who recognized me quickly bowed at the waist and opened the door.

"Is Riche home? Sorry for the late hour. I went out after a long time and got lost."

"Yes, yes. She's here. I'll tell her to come down."

"Thank you."

As I entered the warm interior, my body trembled. The butler, noticing my condition, instructed another maid to bring tea with an elegant gesture. I expressed my gratitude with a look and held the teacup the maid brought me with both hands.

Like the slowly spreading warmth, my thoughts settled calmly. I didn't know the relationship between Gorten and Rupert. I didn't know how involved Riche was in this matter. Then...

"Lari?"

I had no choice but to ask her directly.

"Riche, sorry for visiting so late."

"Oh my! Look at you shivering. Anna, could you bring a brazier?"

When even the maid named Anna left our side, Riche slowly sat across from me. Fortunately, she didn't treat me coldly like last time. She asked about my well-being with the kind expression I knew well, maintaining an innocent attitude as if nothing had gone wrong between us.

I couldn't hide my bitter smile at her smooth, mask-like affectionate face. Since when had she shown me this hidden face? If I hadn't returned from that terrible future, how long would I have remained oblivious?

"Riche."

"Just a moment. Anna!"

"Beatrice Gorten."

Only after I called her full name did Riche's eyes turn to me. She checked my stiff face, then slowly sighed and bowed her head. I stared at her round crown for a long time, then finally spoke after Anna brought the brazier and left it at my feet.

"What's going on?"

"Hm?"

"Why are you acting this way?"

Riche seemed to understand my abrupt words and hesitated. I'd somehow taken on an interrogating posture. My throat went dry because she didn't speak immediately. I drank my tea without regard for etiquette, and Riche's eyes widened.

"You went to the palace and forgot etiquette instead?"

"Is that what's important right now?"

"Lari, I don't know what answer you want from me."

She tilted her head coyly. I steadied my heart to avoid being swayed by her gaunt face and opened my mouth.

"Since when have you been meeting my brother?"

"Cadet Dietrich..."

"My brother."

When I corrected Rehan's title, Riche frowned slightly.

"Father is very interested in the military academy. Since your brother is a cadet there, I met him while asking about various things. That's all."

"That's not what I'm asking. Why did you hide it? You were about to tell me about Rehan but suddenly changed your attitude."

"I'm sorry for confusing you. I was confused at the time too. My mind was a mess."

"Why?"

"I can't tell you the reason."

I pressed my lips together at Riche's firm refusal. Frustration surged up—I couldn't bear it. If my judgment wasn't wrong, I'd lost my most precious friend overnight without knowing why. And she couldn't even tell me the reason.

I was horrified by Riche, who still pretended to care about me. No, maybe she truly was worried about me. Maybe I'd become too sensitive thanks to Rupert and was misunderstanding kind Riche. Please let that be the case.

"Riche, what did I do wrong?"

"Nothing."

"Do you remember suddenly being cold to me?"

"I told you. I was in a very confused state at the time."

"But you can't tell me the reason?"

"That's right. But it's not because of you. It's not your fault."

Riche's voice became as soft as a song.

"Can't you trust me and let it go just this once? Lari, Lariette. You're my closest friend."

But Riche, Father died trusting your father the way I trusted you.

I wanted to respond to Riche's persuasive, lovely voice with something sharp, but I could only close my mouth, startled by the tears falling from her bowed face.

All lies. She claimed His Lordship was interested in the military academy, but there was no way an imperial marquis would need information accessible to a mere cadet like Rehan. There was no reason for her to be cold to me if it wasn't related to me. Yet I wanted to trust Riche. I laughed at my own weakness.

Ah, but I can't trust you. In this situation, for me to trust her after such a painful betrayal from Riche's family—it was absurd. Wanting to trust and being able to trust were different types of problems. Even if Riche professed her innocence and grievance, there was nothing I could do. I smiled broadly, following her kind smile.

"Okay, I'll trust you."

I fabricated my expression and pulled Riche into an embrace. If she wouldn't tell me what she knew about me, I'd find out myself. I needed her to appeal my necessity to Rupert.

"Thank you, Lari."

She hugged my back, laughing as if relieved. As my frozen body thawed, my temple suddenly stung sharply. Only then did I realize that Rupert was also seeing and hearing everything I did. While holding Riche's thin back, I glared at the mirror hanging on the wall.

In the distant mirror reflection, we looked quite affectionate. My face, having withdrawn the smile I'd given Riche—dried from the cold or stiff from tension—was as hardened as my old self. With an emotionless expression, I kissed Riche's forehead and approached the mirror.

"Pretty mirror."

"Thank you. It's late today, so you'll stay over, right?"

"Mm, but actually I got leave. It's a bit awkward to go down to Bellua right now..."

I mentioned leave on my own and laughed awkwardly. She tied her curly water-colored hair neatly up and answered in a kind voice. For a moment, I felt like I'd stepped onto some theater stage.

"Stay here."

"Thank you."

Turning my back on Riche, I stared straight at the mirror. Fourteen. A still-plump face that hadn't lost its baby fat glared at me—no, beyond the mirror.

'Satisfied?'